I'm glad I blogged about my
friendship incident in my previous post because I have more clarity on it now and realize
that I do not have to suffer the complete loss of a friendship with her.
I just have a more accurate picture of that relationship
now. I always knew I wanted more... intimacy... closer association...
perhaps BFF status with this lady but I fully realize now that that is not
going to happen.
That does not mean I have to eliminate what I do have
with her. I still like her and pray for her and her husband and kids.
Even though what she said was a little harsh, I'm sure she said it out
of frustration at a combination of things -- mainly what I had said --
but perhaps it caught her at a bad time, too. Anyway, I'm no longer worried
about it and I'm grateful that God also showed me that I simply am how I
am. Not that I cannot improve, but that I don't have to try to
transform myself into something other than what I am. I do intend to be more circumspect with my opinions, in all areas, as well as I can, though. The Lord wants us to develop self control, so this seems to be an area where I need that. Thank you, Lord, for guiding me.
On Sunday I noticed that I seemed to be kind of extra swollen and I'm not sure what to attribute it to. It could possibly be from any one of three things:
1. Slow cooker soup that I had made for the first time on Saturday
2. Eating crab meat at the buffet on Saturday
3. Taking a dose of Elderberry extract Sunday morning
The soup: I chose a large slow cooker as one of my bank rewards and it has been sitting in a corner for months so I decided to give it a go on Saturday. This was a spur of the moment thing so I had not gone shopping with a particular recipe or dish in mind. I just pulled out four pork chops, some Italian green beans, some cut green beans, and some okra along with some left over fresh grape tomatoes and some spicy spaghetti sauce and threw everything in the pot with some water and set it on high.
When it got hot I turned it down to medium and left it for the rest of the day. I also applied all my favorite herbs including some cinnamon. It came out pretty tasty, but I think I'll leave out the cinnamon next time. It was not bad or repulsive or anything like that. It just had a little bit of oddness to it. Other than that, I loved it and really liked the slow cooker method. The pork chops fell apart with a spoon and I was able to fish nearly all of the bones out beforehand. So. I'm thinking the swelling could be from that, but it does not seem likely. I'm crossing that one off the list.
The crab meat: At the Hot/Cold Chinese Buffet that I visited on Saturday I paid attention to including more fresh raw salad and other vegetables to my plate, along with protein. I remember noting that my plate was about 50/50 so I felt I did well. I did have another smaller plate with 50/50 portions too, but did not have any dessert. I think the problem may be that I did eat more of the crab casserole that they make than I usually do. I had a serving spoonful on both plates and, since, I have, in the past, gotten swollen from eating crab meat, I can only assume that my current swelling is very likely from that. Even though I think it was made from imitation crab it is still "seafood" and is flavored with crab juices during the manufacture. So I think that may actually be the culprit and I need to lay off of it.
That is too bad because I had discovered that their cheesy crab casserole reminded me of macaroni and cheese and since there was no macaroni, I thought it was safe to consume. It may also have simply been that particular batch because I've eaten it before without noticing any additional swelling, but I also know that allergies can creep up on you. So no more crab casserole for a while.
The Elderberry extract: I discovered through reading on the internet that elderberry extract has been scientifically proven to be a good remedy for the flu or colds. It has fewer side effects than the flu shot and works pretty fast, and well, according to research. I was going to wait until payday and order some but needed to get out of the house on Saturday so I decided to go to a health food store and buy a bottle. On the way back is when I stopped at the buffet mentioned above.
As usual, the price in the mom and pop store was pretty high (15 dollars) but I figured if I ordered it I would be paying for shipping so it probably turned out to be close in price. I made sure to get some that does not have added sugar in it. The brand is "Sambucus" (nigra) Black Elder Berry Extract which is labeled as "all natural, no artificial sweeteners," too. I did not want to get the "syrup" as the word syrup nearly always means "sugar."
I had priced some at Swanson Vitamins.com for about 10 dollars but it was labeled "syrup" and also had three active ingredients instead of one: elderberry fruit, elder flowers, both from the Sambucus nigra plant and also red raspberry leaf. It had a total carb count of 4 per teaspoon so I figured that was acceptable. They recommend taking one teaspoon once or twice a day as needed. I may still buy this one in the future but for now I went with the "Natures Answer" brand that I got at the store.
In my reading about this extract I also noticed that it is supposed to also act as a mild diuretic so that may actually be why I experienced a little excessive urination earlier in my fast than I was expecting. This, of course, would likely rule out the possibility that I was swollen because of it. It may have actually been the thing that was helping to get rid of the swelling. I noticed my blood pressure was a little lower this morning, too, so that is a good sign.
If you would like to read the first article I found here is the URL: http://saveourbones.com/researcher-discover-fruit-that-cures-flu/
Here is the confirming article that I read from Web MD: http://www.webmd.com/cold-and-flu/news/20031222/elderberry-fights-flu-symptoms
The article from Web MD was written in 2003 so the first article has newer research listed in it.
The thing that really attracted me to trying the elderberry extract is that it is actually being proven to work against the flu just as well as a H1N1 flu shot -- and also against influenza A and B viruses. With none of the side effects of a flu shot.
If you have ever had a flu shot, and then gotten the flu, that is probably not really what happened. When I had that happen, my doctor did not believe that was possible. Come to find out from the first article that the side effects of the flu shot mimic getting the flu, so what's the point? All of that can be sidestepped, hopefully, with the elderberry extract so I have some in my arsenal now and will be using it when the time comes.
Just out of curiosity, I took a dose on Sunday morning, to test out what it tastes like, and see how my body reacts to it when I'm not under the influence of the flu. I put one teaspoonful in about half a cup of water and drank it down. It tasted like prune juice to me and was not half bad, unsweetened and all. I don't think it needs sugar for taste. It tastes fine.
Then, I went ahead with "going to church" preparations. Unfortunately, after I had taken my shower, as I was walking into the bedroom to get dressed my knee just gave way and I stumbled. I was able to catch myself and not fall but that put a stop to the "going to church" plans. I need to be extra careful with the knee during this healing stage so I stayed off of it by sitting in the recliner to elevate it for a while.
As I sat there wrapped in my blankets I started to nod off, but woke up a little later with some really strange dreams about a bug in my house that "my" cat (I don't have a cat) was stalking. I got into the act and tried to stop it, but it kept morfing and ended up being a tiny bird that I had stomped on and did not kill. I immediately woke up because I hate wounding animals, especially like that, and felt awful. When I took stock, I thought that maybe the extract had been a cause of the bad dream and made a note to myself that I should not take that stuff before bed time, unless absolutely, necessary.
This particular sentence from the Web MD article really caught my attention: "A small study published five years ago showed that 93% of flu patients
given Sambucol were completely symptom-free within two days; those
taking a placebo recovered in about six days."
Now that research has also shown that the elderberry extract works for influenza A and B and also H1N1, I don't think we should ignore that. What the researchers are saying is that the elderberry seems to short circuit the symptoms within about 48 hours. This requires following the recommended dosage on the package, too. On the one that I purchased it recommends taking 1 teaspoonful up to 4 times a day in a small amount of water. The one that I read about at Swanson says to take 1 teaspoonful twice a day with water or juice and then to refrigerate after opening.
Today is a fasting day so I'll be eating at about 2:30. I would really like to go to the pool but am afraid of over doing. Perhaps if I'm simply very careful, I could go. Nah! I need to continue to let it heal, so I'll be home today. I lost 3.5 pounds of water over night but am still a little swollen. Fasting usually helps that, so I'll see how it goes.
Hope things are well with you,
Be back soon,
Marcia
Monday, November 12, 2012
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Stuff and Friendships
Hi,
Just keeping in touch. I am still hovering around 305 on the scale. UP a little, then down a little. I am still happy to be hovering at this number because it means I am holding on to a 50-lb weight loss and I am pleased by that.
The BP is about what it has always been with some lower ones every so often.
I am not currently eating as many fresh raw vegetables. I have slipped back to my old ways of filling the freezer with protein and veggies and cooking my food. That way, nothing goes to waste. I had stopped eating the salads before I ever stopped buying the ingredients. I would buy them, and they would rot in the fridge until I threw them out. I had no actual plan to do this... I just watched it happen... and I suppose that is probably the reason.
When eating out, I tend to indulge in a few carbs, so I know I have to be careful there. It is the twice weekly fasting that is keeping me lower on the scale. I am thinking that I need to start paying attention to the portions a little better.
Often after a fast, I end up at a buffet where I stuff myself, and that is the recipe for the body of a Sumo wrestler. So that is why I've decided to be more cautious with the portions. I'm also planning on switching, gradually, to more chicken and less beef and pork in the freezer. As it goes out of my fridge I will replace it with chicken. I am hoping that change may help to lower the blood pressure, although I have nothing to base that thought on. I am just going to try it and see.
I am still dealing with the hurt knee but it is showing signs of improving. My problem is that I want to do all the stuff I used to do, whenever it shows signs of improvement and the pain is less. Overdoing it always causes a set back, so I am deciding to be more careful with it, until it actually is healed.
*** Three starts denotes the passage of time.
It is now about three, or maybe four, weeks later... and I'm now hovering around 310. I'm still dealing with the knee but it is still better than it was. I guess I will just have to accept the fact that it is not healing as quickly as it has in the past. It seems to have been a bigger injury or something. About half of the swelling has gone down, which also means that it is still swollen and I'm now getting pain in odd places.
I did not swim this week in an effort to give the knee some time to heal, and now the rest of my body is paying the price for the lack of exercise with old forgotten pains creeping back in the head and back. I'm really contemplating going swimming on Monday but I will have to be very careful and not go in the lazy river (which I usually really enjoy). I got in it too soon a couple of weeks ago and that really set the healing back.
I've been missing church, too and I really don't like the effect that missing church has on me. I want to go to bed early enough tonight that it is not a problem to go to church so I will have to hit the sack in a short time.
I've been kind of depressed lately, what with the knee, lack of exercise, not going to church, having someone stealing money from my business account (online fraud), dealing with a bank employee that suspects that I'm stealing money from myself, and a friend that told me she did not need my advice or guidance and that she had other women who provided that for her. Of all of these things, that last one has hit me the hardest. My heart feels completely wounded and I am taking stock of what caused this and how to deal with it.
This is not the first time I've offended someone with my "advice" but I never see it coming when it hits. I never have in mind to offend someone, so when they are, and they lash out at me, I get kind of blind sided. It has happened so many times that I am getting really tired of it. I really am not exactly sure how to go about this so I've been sitting back, praying, thinking, reading my Bible and waiting for inspiration.
Last night, I realized there is nothing wrong with me. I simply am how I am, and I don't really know how to do or be something else. I don't mean that in an arrogant way, I just mean that I can't turn me into something I'm not, or fill anybody elses expectations. I can barely fill my own expectations of me. Only God can make me into a new creation and that in Christ. Praise the Lord!
There are no perfect people. Each friendship has its own parameters and if I happen to bluster my way into a problem, then I guess I just get to deal with it. If some better answer shows up, I will grab hold, but for now, I cannot withdraw from life every time someone else does not like something I've said or some mistake I've made. I tried mending things but I'm not sure it "took." On the surface we're still friends, but deep inside me, I know she has never really been the kind of friend I wanted her to be and now I realize that will never happen. At least not with her.
I think the best I can do is to take stock and realize that sometimes people don't want (or need) to hear what I have to say. Sometimes people prefer being offended and they enjoy being right about it, too. I apologized to her and she forgave me, but she did not think I needed an apology from her. I also need to realize that not everything I have to say is... important. My opinion or viewpoint is not really what makes the world go round. I suppose if it is important to me that is enough for a small place. I don't think I was intended for large places. And I'm happy with that most of the time.
Sometimes the people I want to be friends with, can't really be friends with me because of things they have going on... perhaps in their life, perhaps in their head. I really miss that childhood kind of friend who knows you and accepts you just as you are and likes spending time with you without expecting you to be something you're not. Since I am single, I don't have that life partner that the majority of people seem to have, and childhood friendships are just that, childhood friendships. If, as an adult, you have one of those, you are truly blessed. And maybe you have better people skills than I have.
Friendships can be as complicated as love relationships. I could go on about the woman I befriended at church who turned out to be a nut case, calling me all hours of the day and night wanting to argue about my religious beliefs, trying to prove to me that what I believe is wrong. Or the woman who kept asking me for money to the point of reducing my bank account so low that it never recovered. In each of these cases, the only solution was to cut the cord and end the friendship. They were both completely toxic and I am glad to be rid of them. but it also put big void spots in my life.
Don't get me wrong. I have some really good friends, too. People that I love to see and talk to. People who love me. Maybe not in a big way, but small love is good too. It is just that losing someone out of your life, no matter what kind of friendship you had, or realizing you don't really have with them, what you thought you had, or simply wanted with them, is completely disheartening... for a while.
2 Cor: 4:6-9 For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;
The only friend I have found who is completely faithful is Jesus. I am so glad that he can fill any void that can happen in my life. Knowing Him is what has kept me sane through these events. Knowing that He loves me is completely satisfying to my soul. It also helps to know that He loves the nut cases that I cannot deal with, too. I don't want them to be unloved, I just know it can't be me who does it. God is better at this love stuff than I am... but I'm still trying because I know He wants me to and I love Him. We love Him, because He first loved us!!
I am grateful for the love of God. I am glad He loves you, too. I'm glad He can speak the words of love and friendship that we all need to hear.
Amen!!
Be back soon,
Marcia
Just keeping in touch. I am still hovering around 305 on the scale. UP a little, then down a little. I am still happy to be hovering at this number because it means I am holding on to a 50-lb weight loss and I am pleased by that.
The BP is about what it has always been with some lower ones every so often.
I am not currently eating as many fresh raw vegetables. I have slipped back to my old ways of filling the freezer with protein and veggies and cooking my food. That way, nothing goes to waste. I had stopped eating the salads before I ever stopped buying the ingredients. I would buy them, and they would rot in the fridge until I threw them out. I had no actual plan to do this... I just watched it happen... and I suppose that is probably the reason.
When eating out, I tend to indulge in a few carbs, so I know I have to be careful there. It is the twice weekly fasting that is keeping me lower on the scale. I am thinking that I need to start paying attention to the portions a little better.
Often after a fast, I end up at a buffet where I stuff myself, and that is the recipe for the body of a Sumo wrestler. So that is why I've decided to be more cautious with the portions. I'm also planning on switching, gradually, to more chicken and less beef and pork in the freezer. As it goes out of my fridge I will replace it with chicken. I am hoping that change may help to lower the blood pressure, although I have nothing to base that thought on. I am just going to try it and see.
I am still dealing with the hurt knee but it is showing signs of improving. My problem is that I want to do all the stuff I used to do, whenever it shows signs of improvement and the pain is less. Overdoing it always causes a set back, so I am deciding to be more careful with it, until it actually is healed.
*** Three starts denotes the passage of time.
It is now about three, or maybe four, weeks later... and I'm now hovering around 310. I'm still dealing with the knee but it is still better than it was. I guess I will just have to accept the fact that it is not healing as quickly as it has in the past. It seems to have been a bigger injury or something. About half of the swelling has gone down, which also means that it is still swollen and I'm now getting pain in odd places.
I did not swim this week in an effort to give the knee some time to heal, and now the rest of my body is paying the price for the lack of exercise with old forgotten pains creeping back in the head and back. I'm really contemplating going swimming on Monday but I will have to be very careful and not go in the lazy river (which I usually really enjoy). I got in it too soon a couple of weeks ago and that really set the healing back.
I've been missing church, too and I really don't like the effect that missing church has on me. I want to go to bed early enough tonight that it is not a problem to go to church so I will have to hit the sack in a short time.
I've been kind of depressed lately, what with the knee, lack of exercise, not going to church, having someone stealing money from my business account (online fraud), dealing with a bank employee that suspects that I'm stealing money from myself, and a friend that told me she did not need my advice or guidance and that she had other women who provided that for her. Of all of these things, that last one has hit me the hardest. My heart feels completely wounded and I am taking stock of what caused this and how to deal with it.
This is not the first time I've offended someone with my "advice" but I never see it coming when it hits. I never have in mind to offend someone, so when they are, and they lash out at me, I get kind of blind sided. It has happened so many times that I am getting really tired of it. I really am not exactly sure how to go about this so I've been sitting back, praying, thinking, reading my Bible and waiting for inspiration.
Last night, I realized there is nothing wrong with me. I simply am how I am, and I don't really know how to do or be something else. I don't mean that in an arrogant way, I just mean that I can't turn me into something I'm not, or fill anybody elses expectations. I can barely fill my own expectations of me. Only God can make me into a new creation and that in Christ. Praise the Lord!
There are no perfect people. Each friendship has its own parameters and if I happen to bluster my way into a problem, then I guess I just get to deal with it. If some better answer shows up, I will grab hold, but for now, I cannot withdraw from life every time someone else does not like something I've said or some mistake I've made. I tried mending things but I'm not sure it "took." On the surface we're still friends, but deep inside me, I know she has never really been the kind of friend I wanted her to be and now I realize that will never happen. At least not with her.
I think the best I can do is to take stock and realize that sometimes people don't want (or need) to hear what I have to say. Sometimes people prefer being offended and they enjoy being right about it, too. I apologized to her and she forgave me, but she did not think I needed an apology from her. I also need to realize that not everything I have to say is... important. My opinion or viewpoint is not really what makes the world go round. I suppose if it is important to me that is enough for a small place. I don't think I was intended for large places. And I'm happy with that most of the time.
Sometimes the people I want to be friends with, can't really be friends with me because of things they have going on... perhaps in their life, perhaps in their head. I really miss that childhood kind of friend who knows you and accepts you just as you are and likes spending time with you without expecting you to be something you're not. Since I am single, I don't have that life partner that the majority of people seem to have, and childhood friendships are just that, childhood friendships. If, as an adult, you have one of those, you are truly blessed. And maybe you have better people skills than I have.
Friendships can be as complicated as love relationships. I could go on about the woman I befriended at church who turned out to be a nut case, calling me all hours of the day and night wanting to argue about my religious beliefs, trying to prove to me that what I believe is wrong. Or the woman who kept asking me for money to the point of reducing my bank account so low that it never recovered. In each of these cases, the only solution was to cut the cord and end the friendship. They were both completely toxic and I am glad to be rid of them. but it also put big void spots in my life.
Don't get me wrong. I have some really good friends, too. People that I love to see and talk to. People who love me. Maybe not in a big way, but small love is good too. It is just that losing someone out of your life, no matter what kind of friendship you had, or realizing you don't really have with them, what you thought you had, or simply wanted with them, is completely disheartening... for a while.
2 Cor: 4:6-9 For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;
The only friend I have found who is completely faithful is Jesus. I am so glad that he can fill any void that can happen in my life. Knowing Him is what has kept me sane through these events. Knowing that He loves me is completely satisfying to my soul. It also helps to know that He loves the nut cases that I cannot deal with, too. I don't want them to be unloved, I just know it can't be me who does it. God is better at this love stuff than I am... but I'm still trying because I know He wants me to and I love Him. We love Him, because He first loved us!!
I am grateful for the love of God. I am glad He loves you, too. I'm glad He can speak the words of love and friendship that we all need to hear.
Amen!!
Be back soon,
Marcia
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