Faith or Desire

Since using the little business card sized reminders I can see it having an effect on my thinking. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I can see the light and I like the feeling.

I did notice that I have a hard time with the one that says: "I know that excessive eating is not the right thing to do, so I don't do it." Because, the last part of the statement is not the truth for me all the time. The "I don't do it" part. Sometimes I do do it and it is hard to reconcile and accept the card when I read it. So I started to think about a better way to state the same premise so that it is something I easily take inside me. Something that encourages me to do the right thing, not makes me feel guilty for not yet mastering the right thing.

Since the word "don't" is the negative form I began to think that it needs to be stated in the positive form to be more encouraging. The words "moderation" and "small portions" seemed like a more positive way to make the statement. The next problem, though, was the entire thought was just too long to put on a business sized card and still be able to read, so this is what I came up with:

"My Goal Today: Eating in Moderation and Small Portions." Here is the card:

Now when I think of:  "I know that excessive eating is not the right thing to do," it sinks into me better.

Since I had a stated goal of what to do on days that I am eating I decided to put the fast day goal and benefits on the back. It not only is a way to save on the cost of the cards, it makes perfect sense to have either one or the other showing, but not both.

That way, I can just turn the card over to suit the day.

I need the reminders and encouragement every day. I like having the cards everywhere around the house. They really do work to get a refocus on my thoughts, too. Since I just made the new cards today, I will try them out and see how it goes.

Because I know I have an addiction and need to learn how to overcome it, I started to watch a reality program on Netflix called "Addicted." Just to see how the process of addiction recovery works.

The beginning of the program introduces the addict and their drug of choice, along with the interventionist, Kristina Wandzilak, who is, herself, a former addict. Her story is pretty amazing, too. At first I simply watched it. It was very interesting to me, even though it is also what I would call a little bit "hard core." I think when it comes to the treatment of addiction it would have to be that way. In this program either the addict or the family of the addict contacts Kristina and she decides whether to take them on or not. No one is surprised when the day of the intervention comes. Everyone, including the addict, has agreed to participate in the intervention, so it is not an "ambush."

Then the actual "process" begins. What I've observed after watching every episode that Netflix had which I think is about six of them, is that the stages seem to be very similar no matter what they are addicted to.

I think it looks like this:

The addict admits he/she is addicted and does not know how to not be addicted. They really want to stop but are so deep into it they cannot see anything but the addiction -- up close and personal.

They seek help, knowing they cannot do it on their own.

Since the intervention is scheduled for some time in the future they have a few days left before they know they have to quit -- and most of them, whether it is drugs or alcohol, go on a binge. Most of them have what they consider to be "a little" to help them get to the intervention, too, so they often show up stoned or slightly drunk.

At the intervention the family shares how they feel about what is happening to the addict and how they feel at that moment. The addict also shares. This is usually very emotional for the addict -- and the family, too.

At some point the addict gets the opportunity to decide whether they are going to go to "detox" or not. We don't get to see the ones that don't agree to go because, obviously, that is not what the program is about. The program is about recovery, so we see the ones who decide to participate.

After they agree, Kristina immediately, right then and there, takes them to a facility that will help them "detox" -- or get the drugs out of their systems so they can be sober when they go to the actual recovery facility. Detox is physically very rough to do so the doctors at the facility have some medications that will help them get through this process. The program narrative points out that going "cold turkey" without medical intervention is not only very hard to do, it is dangerous. A drug addict really does need to be helped through this particular part of the process.

Observing this process is not the same as doing it, but what I see happening at this stage is all the worst emotions inside each one of them bubble to the surface. They are in a great deal of fear and pain and stress and as a result all their worst behaviors come out, too. They cry, they whine, they threaten. Every angry form of "I don't want to do this" comes out. Their bodies begin to "betray" them and they shake, and sweat, and agonize for as long as it takes to get the drugs physically out of their system. This process may go on for a few days, but, finally, by the grace of God, they do begin to feel better.

The next time you see their faces, they look very tired, but they have come through the darkest part and have come out on the other side. This is hard work, but they have done it.

Then the actual process of learning to live life sober begins. For this part of the process they move to a living center or rehabilitation center to relearn how to live without drugs. This part is scheduled to take 90 days but often actually takes a little longer just to be sure that when they are on their own, they can survive as a sober and responsible human being without fear of relapse. Although there is no guarantee of no relapse.

One sentence that one young man said that really hit me was this: "I will be an alcoholic for the rest of my life, but I don't have to be a drunk."

It was then that I began to relate this process to me and my addiction. I see that if I am ever going to truly overcome my own addiction, I will have to use some very similar steps -- admit, agree, surrender, recover.

1. Admit I have this problem and need help to overcome. Admit that I need the help of God in this area, too.
2. Agree to try a new way. Agree to go down a path I have not been willing to go down before.
3. Surrender to someone else's plan. I trust Jesus Christ and through prayer and surrender I turn my eating over to Him.
4. Recover. This is the part that requires total participation from me. It is the surrender step, over and over again. I need to continue to turn my eating over to Him at every moment. Grab hold of Him and let Him help me at every meal and every snack -- even every mouthful and breath.

Those are the required daily spiritual steps to recovery from a food addiction.

There are physical steps, too, starting with "detox," which means actually cutting out the foods that are my own worst enemies. It means that when I get a craving for chocolate or mac and cheese, I need to just say no. I need to do the hard work of facing down the cravings rather than giving in to them. I need to literally turn my back on them and walk away -- letting the chips fall where they may.

James 1:14-15: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

Giving in to the desires for carbs has never been a satisfying experience in the end. After all, what do you have after the food or candy is eaten? And in the process you have put a load on your body that is wearing it out.

I have enough experience to know that "detox" for a carbohydrate addict takes three days of solidly saying no to carbs at every turn. It requires a three day commitment.

I think this may be the part that I fear the most. The part where I actually stop giving in to the old habit and start forming a new one. Even as I think of it I feel afraid that I will not be able to give up my Snickers bar. I like them. I desire them, but James says that when we allow ourselves to be drawn away by our own lust, or desire, it eventually ends in death.

This is where the rubber meets the road. I like the idea of the rubber tire meeting the road over and over as it rolls along. It goes down the road with no wavering. The tire gets to know the road. It meets the road like a new old friend every day. The road appears to change by the appearance of pot holes, or different colors of pavement, or even road hazards, but it is still the road.

I hear the fear in the words that other people who are addicted to carbs say, too. I hear them say, "I could never do that" or "I can't imagine living without my bread, or chocolate, or _______________ fill in the blank." That is the addict talking. I've been through this before, too, so I know three days of detox will work to get the cravings in check, but it takes more to be in actual recovery.

The part where I waver is always after the "detox." Not giving a place to the cravings or "magical thinking" in the future. That is where step four begins and that is what I have never done before: continued to turn my eating over to Jesus... every meal... every snack... every mouthful... every day. The recovery work. The actual participation in my own recovery.

What I want is to overcome this addiction. As I thought about the scriptures I remembered this one, too:

1 John 5:3-5: For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous. For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?

The thought occurred to me that faith in Christ overcomes death -- and that temptation or desire leads to death. So the fork in the road is at the choice between faith in Jesus, and desire for food, or heroin, or alcohol, or __________________ fill in the blank -- at every moment. The choice is always the daily one of who are you going to follow today -- right now. Are you going to live by faith and follow Jesus allowing Him to be in charge or are you going to take charge again and follow your own desires unto death.

And the message God wants me to remember is this:

Prayers said.

Keeping the faith.

See you soon,

Marcia

Respect and Protect Your Body

Still not back to square one. For the last few days I've been eating carbs (macaroni and cheese plus chocolates). I feel really frustrated because I am intelligent enough to realize that I am the one doing the eating but not knowing how to curb this behavior.

I have noticed that what I call a craving or compulsion to eat something I believe I should not eat, seems to have an actual "place" in the space I occupy. My cravings seem to always start with a particular feeling and they have a recognizable form -- if thoughts can be viewed as having "form."

They always seem to happen in the same sequence and accompany the idea that this is OK to do. It is like the idea of the forbidden food comes along with permission to go get it and eat it. My focus and sensibility narrows down to that and that alone.

In my search for help with this I got out my old copy of "Diabetes Solution" by Dr. Richard Bernstein, whom I consider to be the greatest authority on diabetes, and looked up the section on how to deal with cravings.

He offers the suggestion to find a doctor who is also a hypnotherapist and have one session to learn to use self hypnosis. I've had many bad reactions to hypnosis and am reluctant to try it but I really thought the three "suggestions" he offers to memorize and meditate upon are quite good:

1. For my body, overeating is a poison
2. I need my body to live
3. I owe my body this respect and protection

He also says that you need to look at them at least once every hour, every day to really ingrain them into your subconscious in such a way that they begin to curb your behavior. He says if you do it less than 10 times a day it won't work. To help me do that I printed those words out on a business card sheet and placed the little cards around the house so that everywhere I went I would see it and be reminded to think about them and drink them in often.

As I did that I also thought about "gluttony" in the Bible. Gluttony is another word for excessive or even riotous eating. It is closely compared with drunkenness, rebellion, and laziness which will shame a person's family, in the Bible, too. I never really thought that excessive eating was a sin, as such, but maybe that is why I always feel guilty when I do it. I know it is not the right thing to do but I do it anyway.

I'd like to change that to: "I know that excessive eating is not the right thing to do, so I don't do it." So I made that a card to meditate upon, also.

I plan on excessively looking at, reading, and thinking about the messages on these two cards often throughout the day. I feel like I am imbedding new thoughts and beliefs to subvert and replace the old ones. These are better thoughts than the ones I was using before.

So that is where I am right now.

I am beginning to address the addiction behavior at the simplest most powerful level I know -- my thoughts.

Dear Lord, please help me to overcome gluttony

Be back soon,

Marcia

What Should We Eat to Lose Weight?

Hi,

Brad Pilon has revised his book "Eat Stop Eat" and since I am on his mailing list from having purchased his last version I have been given the opportunity to read his revision and provide feed back to him, if I have any, before he publishes it. What a great idea. In my former life I was a proof reader and typesetter so this is "old hat" to me and I enjoy doing it. So I am again reading his book and thinking about some of his statements.

I am again struck by this one: ...research was trying to uncover the completely backwards idea, "What should we eat to lose weight?"

Sometimes it is so simple we do not see the forest for the trees. When a person wants to lose weight they immediately look for a "diet plan," or "way to eat," which nearly always has a "diet guru" to go along with it. The guru can be a person, like a celebrity, or an organization, like Weight Watchers, etc.

In reality the only thing that is needed is an actual calorie reduction. It is not completely about that, but the main thing of impact is the reduction in calories. Some people, like me, also need to pay attention to how many carbs are eaten, but, for the most part, if you simply eat less you will lose weight.

By far the easiest way that I have found to reduce calories is with intermittent fasting. You give up a few meals a couple of times a week and voila! you have reduced your calorie intact while not really changing how or what you eat the rest of the time.

The only pit fall is if you suddenly start eating more in between fasts. That is the formula for gaining weight. Remember the Sumo Wrestler exercises, fasts every morning, and eats two 10,000 calorie meals -- every day. (http://cureprediabetes.blogspot.com/2012/06/same-dedication-different-goal.html)

Is it not eating excessive amounts of food that makes us fat? So does it not follow that not eating food for a period of time would help you to lose weight? And guess what.... weight loss is not the only result. During a 24-hour fast blood sugars improve, cholesterol improves, fat is actually used rather than stored, and you feel alert, alive, and peppy, too.

Think about animals in the wild. They hunt down some food, kill and eat. Then they go without, until they find something more to eat. The ancient human hunter/gatherer did the same thing. Find a rabbit and some berries. Have a feast. The food is gone so now they fast until they find some more food to eat which could be on the same day, but was very likely, the next day.... or even the next. Water, in this scenario, becomes really important.

In between eating, they drank water.... as they fasted. Did they not prefer to live near water? Did not civilizations grow up right next to a body of water?

So now. Looking at my own life, when I fast for two 24-hour periods each week, I either maintain my weight or lose a little -- I don't usually gain. If I eat veggies and protein in between fasts, my body likes it better.

I started my fast today at 11:30 after eating a breakfast of steamed broccoli and lemon slices with two eggs over easy. It is always easier to start a fast after eating a nice healthy meal.

I'll go swimming in a little while, and then tomorrow at 11:30, I'll eat again.

If I do that a couple of times a week. I am in like flint.

The hard part for me is sometimes I just don't want to. I get lazy and want to do things my way (which is the way that got me into trouble in the first place). Reading Brad's book always gets me motivated again because it reminds me of all the benefits of fasting.

Seeking the Lord is the same, in that if I remember the benefits, it is so much easier, and becomes more constant in my life. It is the constancy that I want.

Psalm 103:2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:

Read the rest of Psalm 103 and you will be blessed.

Be back soon,

Marcia

Family Blessings

Hi,

I really enjoyed seeing my family again after all these years but the driving trip was a bit painful on the body. I think part of the reason was that I was not able to keep up my swimming. I had purposefully planned my stays at motels that advertised that they had pools but not a one of them was either open or in any kind of condition that I would have wanted to dip my body into them. So as the time went on my body was in more pain.

I think part of it was the lugging of stuff, too. I planned the way I used to plan when I took road trips when I was young, which means that I took anything and everything that I thought I might be able to use in an emergency. I am very thankful that God was in charge of this trip and I could see Him working and feel Him taking care of me the whole entire way. Nearly every door was held open by someone who just happened to be there when I was. The people in the USA are kind hearted, good, and helpful people and a pleasure to be around.

I really enjoyed the 50th anniversary party. My sister and her husband were completely surprised, too. My sister suspected something was up but did not know what and did not know that so many of her family and neighbors and friends would be there to help them celebrate. For me it felt good that I had been there at their wedding and I was there again on their 50th. It ended up being a song fest that many of us participated in. Great fun!! I spent the next day at their house with her kids and grand kids popping in all day. She was disappointed when I left to go to the motel because she wanted me to stay at her house, but I really could not have made it up the stairs to the second level to sleep.

Visiting with my brothers was a jewel, too. When I actually laid eyes on my younger brother in his living room, it moved me to tears and I could barely speak. It was so good to see him, his wife, and his family. I really loved getting to know his son's new wife and their daughter for the first time, and seeing my niece and her son was awesome, too. Everyone had changed but we all knew one another. They took me to the most awesome buffet I've ever been to near Canton, Ohio but I don't recall the name exactly. It was at Beldon village mall and I hope I get to go there again some time.

When I got to Michigan and my older brother walked out I was really shocked to see how much he looked like Dad to me. He and his beautiful hospitable wife insisted that I stay longer than two days with them and I ended up staying at least a week. I needed the rest and recuperation, so I complied.  I could have stayed longer but had trouble finding one of my high blood pressure OTC medicines and needed to get home to my spare bottle. I wish I had taken it with me. I had enough for the length I had planned but when I stayed longer I began to run out.

They were kind enough to prepare meals with no tomatoes (I shared with them that I am allergic) and provided fresh vegetables so I had a salad at nearly every meal. It was delicious and wonderful. The only problem I had was being offered sweet treats like little cakes and such in the evening. I started off refusing but soon began to partake. My brother even bought me an entire bag of veggie potato chips which I tried hard to eat only a little to be polite, but ended up, binging on one evening. I did not finish the whole bag but it was a serious binge.

I also enjoyed the visit with their youngest son who lives in a group home a few miles from them. It was odd to see my nephew with grey hair when for most of his life he had lovely dark hair. Time marches on.

I loved getting to know and to hold my newest great grand nephew and getting to be around his Mom and her brothers, my grand nephews, too. It was very good to visit with their Mom, too... only wish we could have spent a little more time together. Her husband, my older nephew, passed away a few years ago. Each one of them came when they could spare some time and visited for as short or long as they could during the week. I don't know them as well as I know my sister's kids but they are good, loving, and kind people. Young and working hard toward their futures. I loved being around the young people in my family.

When I finally got back home it was a bit of a shock. I don't know why, but it was a bit emotional for a day or so until I got back in the swing of my own life down here in Georgia. I stepped on the scale for the first time and had lost 1/2 a pound which surprised me as I had fasted while driving and actually thought at different times that I might have gone down quite a bit by the way my clothes were fitting.

I've been back about 5 days and have already fasted twice and seem to be doing 16:8 (16 hours no eating, 8 hours eating -- not constantly but able to have meals!) because I still don't have any food in the house. I need to rectify that but I did not want to go food shopping while I was fasting so postponed it until today, although, at this moment, I don't feel like going shopping. Perhaps I'll get the motivation a little later in the day.

I re-read my last post and am ready to begin the new program I wrote about of eating veggies and protein, fasting twice a week, and having a 1-hour cheat meal on Saturdays. I'm not sure I will lose weight but I am sure I will feel better. My experience of eating the veggies at my brother's house was a good one and reminded me of what a lovely and satisfying way of eating that is.

I was allowed to make my salad myself so they were just as I wanted them. I cut up fresh broccoli in bite sized pieces. Peeled and sliced cucumber and then put Italian dressing on the large bowl. Then also ate whatever protein they had. Once my brother made sauerkraut and pork like Mom made it with the addition of caraway seeds, just as he and I like it, and that was excellent. I finished up the left overs over the next couple of days.

They did not seem to eat left overs but when the grand kids came by, they all expected to partake. I see that is a way of life for them. They cook their meals making sure there are leftovers and then when the grandsons or granddaughter show up they go to the fridge and eat. They know they can come starving and Grandma and Grandpa are happy to have food for them.

My brother also made individual cheese omelets for breakfast in a special enamel coated pan that he has which is two small pans hinged together so you just have to flip the pan over to cook the other side. Very cool and really tasty. Good breakfast, too: veg and protein. I might look for one, myself. He mentioned it was advertised for pancakes but the omelet is a better idea.

One good thing that has happened is that I am now on a better sleeping schedule. My bedtime is now 11 p.m instead of 2 a.m. and I'm liking that a lot. I do see it creeping past that a little, but so far, I've gone to bed before 2 every night and am getting up earlier, too. It is nice to have the early part of the day to do things in. I've gone swimming twice and my body is in much less pain, too. So my next full project is getting the eating plan underway.

Well, that is where I have been and where I am now.

Be back soon,
Marcia