God's Grace

In response to my last post I got this letter from a dear friend, who shall remain anonymous (as she has requested in the past):

"I was thinking this morning how much listening to “grace” teaching has transformed my life in recent years. One thing that has changed is that I had a lifelong problem with tardiness. I was powerless to change it. It seemed the harder I tried, the worse it got. This Gospel of grace has changed all that. I routinely get to work early. That has never happened in all my 52 years. Why now? The “grace message” has brought freedom into my life. Freedom I always yearned for, but felt powerless to step into. Church did not help. It hindered. Why? My church is not a place where “grace” is taught. My church is a place where behavior modification is taught.

"I remember telling you years ago about Creflo Dollar. At the time, he was more a cohort of the Copelands. In recent years, I suspect since the business with his daughter, he has been preaching the grace message from his pulpit. It is changing lives. Their church is still not that far down the road in Atlanta. But there are many on the internet and TV as well. Joseph Prince and more. I recommend it. Grace brings freedom and stamps out the bondage of behavior modification."

I've got to tell you that at first I felt completely like I had been slapped in the face for wanting to make changes in my life. How could I respond? I let it sit and then, later, started to think about grace.

Wow. I had not been considering grace. Yet, grace is what changes everything. God's grace.

As I went off to sleep I was thinking about what she had said. When I woke up early (for me) this morning I was in a different spirit. God had been speaking to me and continued to minister to me as I continued to meditate on Him. I cannot type here all the things that He showed me but I ended up realizing that as I fasted, I wanted to be praying. I want to walk with Jesus.

I remembered the word "focus" from my Bible study yesterday morning. We had looked at synonyms and one antonym which are: Focus – center, focal point, center of attention, concentrate, direct, motivation, single-mindedness, application. Antonym: edge

I had pointed out to the group that "focus" is the center and not the edge. Thinking about the opposite (the edge) is like looking all around the outside and never getting to the point. The point being grace. The point is in the center where God and His grace are. His new grace. His mercy and His grace are new every morning because He does not change. He is always new.

From my study: "Drawing near to God means focusing on Him and walking in His Presence day by day. Just like using a camera with a telephoto lens, we first focus, then refocus.  As you focus in and out, things in the lens become more or less sharp and clear. Focusing on God is the same.  It takes practice. We will probably never be able to keep our focus constantly on Him as we live our lives but we must remember to refocus on Him, over and over again, every day.

“ 'Levelheaded' is a mind that is not wavering and rippling about in strange waters. It is settled on the Word of God. A mind that remains smooth because it is focused on Jesus!"

What my friend had told me to do was to focus on grace. As I did that I was drawn closer and closer to the peace of God. 

You know, I am not sure, I can get down on paper what I remembered and felt and prayed for this morning but I can tell you that God's grace changes everything. Focus on His grace!

·       2Co 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

·       Joh 5:24  "Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life.

·       Ga 6:8  For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.

·       La 3:21-24 ¶  This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. Through the LORD’S mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I hope in Him!"

  

1 Corinthians 10:31

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Philippians 4:13

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Colossians 3:17

And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

 Hebrews 13:9

Do not be carried about with various and strange doctrines. For it is good that the heart be established by grace, not with foods which have not profited those who have been occupied with them.

Ephesians 2:8

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God,

  I don't know about you, but, I know that my fasting times will now no longer be about me doing things for my body... my fasting will now be my time to commune with God and to meditate on His grace and mercy and the fact that He loves me and calls me "worthwhile." Amen

Fasting can be a break from the world. Eating is tending to the flesh. Fasting and praying is tending to the Spirit.

Romans 8:1
There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. 

Romans 12:2

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

Praise the Lord!

I don't know if I got the point across in this writing. That is what the Spirit of God does. He gets His point across. Sometimes it just takes the prompting of a friend to point us in a better direction. It takes the Lord to put it in our hearts and fill us up.

Thanks, my friend, Thank You, Lord!

Be back soon,

Marcia


 

She said: "I am determined it is gonna be my year."

2013 is drawing to a close.... finally. Yesterday I was thinking that I will be glad to be rid of this year of the "13". I'm not superstitious but I'll be happy to know this one is done and I can move on.

It was not an awful year except for my diet and my health, recipes, and my church attendance -- and how I felt about myself and what I was doing. Ok, it was kind of awful and I'm tired of that.

I belong to this closed group on facebook called "The 5:2 Diet" and I love it. All the people on there are working towards better health and losing weight by fasting twice a week and sharing about it and supporting one another. I participate and give advice to the newbies, but feel like a hypocrite when I am not actually following the program, myself.  There are others doing the same thing and they share about that, too.

I often think that if I had stuck to it, like they did,..... if I had not given up..... I might be in an entirely different space right now. If I had done what they did, I, too, might have been successful and been able to post my "before and after" photos. I envy their success photos. I encourage them in my comments but envy their fortitude and dedication to their goals. That could have been me!! Why not me, in 2014?

Of course the actual fast they do is not really a fast in the strictest sense... they eat 500 calories on their fast days but they last for 36 hours on that amount. They sleep, eat 500 cals, then sleep again and eat normally the next day. Many of them are quite successful at losing a lot of weight simply with their dedication and vision.

When I was strictly following my "Eat Stop Eat" program (eat normally, water fast for 24 hours in a row, eat normally -- twice a week) and in between be a little careful I too was losing weight. But at some point... something went wrong. I've been blogging about it repeatedly and not gotten "up" but today I read the above comment on The 5:2 Diet page and felt something in me responding.

She said: "I am determined it is gonna be my year."

I am respecting her privacy and not using her name but I am grateful to her for stating it so... forcefully. I want 2014 to be the year that I am successful, too.

I got discouraged at the beginning of 2013 when I was sick... and tired of keeping records that did not change so I quit keeping records. 

Oh my gosh! I just read what I said. I got tired of not seeing a difference in the records, so, instead of doing something about it, I stopped keeping the records!! It would be an hilarious joke if it had not been so hard to have lived through! Wow!

This needs to change. The record keeping, the daily entries really did keep my eye on the ball. I gave up and have been trying to poke the sleeping bear, on occasion. I've not gotten up yet but I feel a new surge of desire and hope for 2014. Maybe this will be the year that I actually reduce my excess weight by a major portion. 

I had also gotten involved in the "recipe" project (going through and posting my Mom's recipes as a tribute to her) and really got off track with what I allowed me to eat. I somehow, got permission, to ignore all the things I know about my own diet and just eat like I did when I was young and ignorant. Well, not totally, but enough that it caused havoc with my weight loss. I am actually ending the year 2013 weighing more than I started out with. Ugh.

That is what comes from giving up and going into hibernation. I turned my back on what works because I was tired. So very tired of not seeing results.

I've been hibernating from going to church, too. I've only been a couple of times in 2013 and none of those experiences were what I would call good, let alone thrilling, or even desirable. There was nothing there to draw me back... in fact I ran farther away.

But this new Bible study class that I am teaching is inspiring me towards God, again. There is just nothing in the world like going through a Bible passage line by line to get you in touch with Jesus and God the Father, again! I am so amazed that He is using me to teach in this way, again. What a blessing. I'm looking forward to tomorrow's class with good energy and excitement.

I'm also attending the group's Tuesday night prayer session, whether in person or on the phone, and that is an awe inspiring experience too. Not that that is the reason for doing it. Praying for people and praising God is the reason but doing those things always touches me personally and deeply in ways that I had forgotten about.

Ways that I had forgotten about.....

That is perhaps the gist of my dieting woes, too. I have not been paying attention to the benefits of the daily journal, the weekly exercise, eating ideally for my body and who I am and where I want to be in my health journey. 

I had forgotten what the purpose was. I got entangled and headed out in the wrong direction. I just wanted to be rid of the burden of what I was doing not working, so I pretended it did not exist. But not very well. I still knew it existed and not doing anything about it is the real burden. The longer you pretend it does not exist, the longer it sits on your mind. Avoiding the problem is "down pulling."

I think I just need to get my 2014 plan in order and ready to begin on the first. I can feel the enthusiasm building. I love to make a plan and then love to follow it. Keeping the purpose in mind is what keeps the plan going.

Heading in the right direction, day by day, is uplifting. Even if you don't reach the final destination that day, keeping it in sight gets you one step closer. Closer is better.

I also need to get my new "support system" set up, too. I need to notice what kinds of things support me in reaching my goal and then incorporate them into the plan. If I notice things that don't support me, then I need to side step them.

1. Make an appointment with my doctor. I have a new doctor now and I need to use him as my new coach. Just having the appointment motivates me because I always want to "look good" for them, so I usually up my participation in preparation for the visit. If I'm ready and have time to prepare that simply motivates me.

2. Get a new journal set up. Let the old one go and start something new. The old one was very elaborate and detailed.... I may need that or maybe something simpler, such as recording my weight on a calendar along with my glucose and PB numbers. Then, of course, I want to schedule my exercise so maybe something similar to my old way is best because I usually want to keep track of more things and have places to comment, too. I'll figure that out and get it ready for myself and 2014. I think it will be similar to my original record keeping but maybe I'll update it a little, if needed, and put it in a new binder. A new color, a new binder, with new stuff inside. Yep, my 2014 binder will be a brand new start for me.

3. I already know the plan that works for me: fasting twice a week and eating Atkins-like the rest of the time. I need to find the thing that will motivate me to actually do that, day in and day out. I'm thinking prayer will be the necessary item, here. I'm hoping God will guide me and inspire me with this one.

As part of this "planning" I'd like to consider eating a nice moderate satisfying meal once a day on most days with a true fast twice a week.  

It feels like such a challenge to my heart to consider not eating any of the carbs I love to binge on. It's almost like I fear a loved one will be gone and I don't want her/him to leave. What a tug. It's like dealing with a death in the family.  The remedy must be to remember the benefits. Focus on the purpose. Keep the end in sight. It is not a death. It is the addictive brain and feelings not wanting to give up their flamboyant and nasty puppet control. I hear a faint dastardly, "ha ha ha," in the back ground.

I need to get real with the binge directives. They don't come from "on high" -- they come from below!! I need a new perspective about them. A new reality check -- and prayer. This may be where the binge analysis process will help. Instead of eating I need to examine, write, and refute.

4. I know that reading about correct eating and fasting styles helps to keep me on track so I can do that in preparation and for on-going support, too.

5. I need the proper food in the house too. This is probably the one most important preparation. Proper feeding and fasting is essential and you cannot do that without the proper food. I need to get rid of the flour and sugar and if there is anything else high carb, that needs to go in the trash, too. I also need to restrict dairy, such as cheese, and the like, because my body swells with that, too. I no longer have any dairy in the house right now and I need to keep it that way. So... get the carbs and dairy OUT -- get good veggies and protein IN.  

I am already on day three of a 3-day carb fast, so I'm in a good place today to make plans and get things ready to begin on the first of January of 2014 which is three days away.

This is not a "New Year's Resolution" for me, even though it looks like one. This is a new determination and resolve for me and my life. I don't want a repeat of 2013. I am not going to take this lying down. I have had enough. I want 2014 to be my year. If I start in January and look for the results in December, with mile stones along the way, this can be my year.

2014 is my year. 2014 is a good place to be. Hopefully I'll blog more often and with more success stories this year. 2013 was the year of repeated failures. I have that to stand on now. A failure is a stepping stone. It shows you what not to do. 2014 sill be my "what to do" year. My year of sticking to it and making a real difference. No more hibernating bear.

Imagine losing 30-40-50, or more, pounds in 2014. Imagine being happy with a 1-pound per week loss. Imagine the allowable weekly fluctuations and being happy that I'm still on track because I am DOING WHAT WORKS day by day.... week by week.  With the Lord's help, and if He is willing, that will be my 2014. 

I'm off to get the plan set up and going.

Be back soon,

Marcia

Hitting Bottom, Looking Up

Do you know how embarrassing it is to be going the wrong direction?

I got on the scale and found out that I have now put on 30 pounds of the 50 it took 3 years for me to lose.

I know all the answers. I know what to do to lose weight. I am not ignorant. Or, at least, I don't think I am.

I am not even sure what to say or ask.

I keep trying to start again and keep falling off.

Perhaps the simplest plan to begin would be the best way to go from here.

I think that the fasting twice a week works.

I know that eating veg and protein and not eating carbs works.

So that has got to be the plan. My plan.

Lo Carb and Fasting.

Ok.

I'm doing it.

Today I am fasting until 8 p.m. That will be my start. It is 3:32 now and I have not eaten so I might as well use the momentum. I don't recall what time I stopped eating last night so I just chose 8 p.m. in order to have a goal. That should give me between 20 and 24 hours which is a good beginning.

Between now and then (closer to then) I can cook some cabbage and meat balls which I have on hand. That will be how I end today's fast.

Tomorrow, after Bible Study at 10 a.m. I can then go shopping. I need to get some more meat and I also need some more water filters for my kitchen sink filter unit. The last one I have is already ready to change so I need some more which I buy at Sams because they are cheaper there.

I'm thinking that maybe I need to do a more "Atkins" style of low carb which requires more protein just as a kick start and then do more of the veggies later.

I am winging it. But at least I've got a new plan.

Perhaps "winging it" is what gets me off track. I don't need to plan for the rest of my life, I just need to plan for today and this week and stick to it. Nothing motivates like success so I'll just plan for this week and then go forth from there.

So, this week, I'm fasting today (Sunday) and Wednesday. And the rest of the time I'm eating veg and protein. I'm thinking half and half should do. I really like that low carb does not require calorie counting.

I shall go and read a little more about Atkins for inspiration. And maybe skim "Eat Stop Eat" by Brad Pilon or the other intermittent fasting info I have. For further mind setting.

Anyway.

Here I am.

Be back soon,

Marcia

Reaching For the Goal

After yesterday's post I made up a new batch of cards to help me stay on track.

One of the best ones is this:

IF I AM GOING TO REACH MY GOAL, WHAT SHOULD I DO RIGHT NOW?
FOLLOW THE PLAN

If I stick to the plan, how can I fail? If I don't reach for it, how will I get hold of it?

That is what I see in the 5:2 Diet group on facebook. Those who simply follow their plan are more successful. Even when things are not working right, they follow the plan, and soon it is working right, again.

I also like this one:

WITH PATIENCE I WILL PUT THAT (binge food) ASIDE AND RUN THE RACE THAT IS SET BEFORE ME

I have some scriptures, that are very meaningful to me on this journey:

Mark 12:33 -- And to love him (God) with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.

Hebrews 13:15 -- By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.

Romans 12:1 -- I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

Hebrews 12:1 -- Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

1 Corinthians 9:24 -- Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain.

1 Corinthians 5:7 -- Purge out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye are unleavened. For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us:

I am within an hour and a half of completing a 24 hour fast. I am, as they say in England, chuffed!! 

I had been off track and feeling it. Yesterday's inspiration from the Lord got me really motivated to get out of the "feelings" and back into the "action."

Then I found this quote:

"We are what we repeatedly do, excellence then is not an act, but a habit"
-Aristotle

Glad to be back on board.

Looking forward to good results and a good report to give.

Thank You, Lord!! You've answered my prayers and I am grateful!! Thank You Lord!!  Amen!
 
Be back soon

Marcia

Inverting the Circle of Allowance

It's like they took the bubble and turned it inside out. The self pity and letting it be OK to break your own rules every day needs to give way to trusting in the Lord and being obedient. It is a new way of living.

What used to be inside the circle needs to be outside the circle. 

This is a new game plan.  If you want to reach a certain goal, you have to play the game that will get you there. You can't go to the Olympics if you are not training. And you can't break your training every single day and get to the Olympics.

It seems so obvious when writing it down but when you are living it, the perspective is different. The writing it down allows you to see the perspective. The absurdity of not following the plan and expecting to reach the goal.

I think praying and asking the Lord to search my heart and show me the way to seek Him and to be close to Him.... He is giving me this inspiration. God is so GOOD!

Remember that: Put what does not work, outside the circle and put what works inside the circle. What is the circle? It is the circle of my own personal space. The circle of what I allow in my own life today.

I've been watching "Extreme Makeover, Weight Loss Edition" where super-obese people take a year out of their lives to focus exclusively on loosing as much weight as humanly possible. In the last episode I watched, a lady in Oklahoma lost 202 pounds in 365 days. She exercised for 5 hours every day, counted calories, ate veggies and fruit in an unlimited fashion and did it. Can you imagine 202 pounds gone in one year?

I look back and think, what if one year ago today I had started to stick to my plan.... I would be in a much different space than the one I am in. Granted I had some rather large illnesses to cope with but the Lord has blessed me and I am nearly beyond them now. Thank God! When I recall the reason, I know I don't have to beat me up. I can forgive me and be compassionate without going into self pity.

If I simply take stock of where I am right here, right now -- this can be my new starting place.

Question for the day: What is inside the circle for today? What is outside the circle for today? And then keep them straight.

Here are the things I used to say to allow me to break my own plans in the past:

1. Eating just one or two of "these" should not make that big of a difference. What could it hurt?
2. I can always get back on the wagon tomorrow.
3. I am too tired to do what I really think I should do right now, I will do the right thing tomorrow. Right now I am going to eat.
4. This is the plan I have chosen, but on this other plan, they do it this way -- so that is OK for me to do right now
5. I probably should not cook so much for me to eat, but I'm going to ignore that thought because it would make me anxious to reduce the amount of food I am already cooking in the pan.
6. I've eaten just enough, my body is full -- but there is another one laid out for me to eat. I will ignore my feelings and eat the additional one even though I don't really need it. Or want it.
7. I not only like the feeling of being over full, I seek it -- it is familiar and satisfying. Even I am surprised at how much I can eat -- and do eat.
8. I'm picturing a particular food in my head, I will go and get some. In the past it has been useless to fight it. In the end, even a day or two later, I will make sure I have it, anyway.

What can I do to put these outside the circle? I was going to say I needed to address each one individually, but they are part of a "group" which I may be able to redirect to the outside of the circle based on the fact they are meant to help me, to assist poor pitiful me, to have what I want, rather than sticking to my own plan.

So there is the base: What I want vs what will help me to reach my weight loss goals.

Possible response: "I see. This is what I want. Is it part of the plan? Will it help me to reach my goal of losing weight? If I am going to reach my goal, what should I do right now? Follow the plan. With patience, I will put that aside and run the race that is set before me."

...I will see how it goes.

Be back soon,

Marcia

Plans or Distractions.... Not both

Hi,

It has been nearly a month since my last post. I just looked at the last one where I thought I was going to use a writing exercise to help me move on. That never happened. It never came together clearly. I can analyze a statement.... but no "statements" came, so I had nothing to rewrite.
 
What did happen is that my left knee and ankle went out again. I've been, with the help of my new chiropractor (Dr. Janice Strang) whom I really appreciate, getting them back into alignment. I am back to walking with almost no pain due to the therapy and with that I am well pleased. I do still have to be careful.

I finally found out, from her, what is causing the continual joint malfunction. She said it was because I was sitting with my legs too far apart. When I started to practice sitting with them closer I could feel the change as a relief in my hips. I also surmised that if the sitting was causing that much of a problem, perhaps I needed to see what adjusting the "splay" of my feet when I am walking would do. I started to practice walking with my feet pointed forward rather than splayed out to the sides like a dancer. Amazingly those two changes in posture are making a real difference.

Keeping up those two changes has been a challenge. When I point my feet straight forward, I feel like I'm walking "pigeon-toed" but when I check they are simply straight. When I catch myself with a "splay foot" I adjust it and walk in that awkward way. I trust that at some point it will become my new way of walking.

The bone in my lower leg has gone back into place. My knee cap has gone back into place and there is no longer a feel of "crunching" in my knee when I walk. My walk is almost normal (except for the pigeon-toe-feeling). I say "almost" because there are times when there is still some pain. Usually after doing my pool exercises too vigorously. But I am back in the pool exercising again now. So that is a plus.

As to my eating, I've pretty much stuck to veg and protein for a week or two and am no longer craving sweets which is amazing all on its own.

So I think I have stumbled upon a food related "principle."  I've noticed that the more carbs I eat the more carbs I want. The opposite is also true: the less carbs I eat, the less carbs I want. This is not really new to me, but I love watching it happen. The new principle is this: the body will adapt to what you do -- not to what you think. 

In the 5:2 group on facebook that I belong to I noticed many of the members posting about how just by doing fasting their eating habits on the other days have changed also. They no longer seem to require so much food. Not all of them have said this, but quite a few have. This is an example of the body adapting.

As I watched the kids version of "Supersize vs. Superskinny" one of the kids who had changed his eating habits said that he simply started to eat smaller meals and by the end of the first week he was happy with that. He had adapted to smaller meals.

I've begun to realize that if you want to change your lifestyle and maintain it, you just have to start -- do it for a time, and soon it becomes a habit. The body adapts.

I've often been afraid of eating smaller portions. That is a real challenge for me. What I am thinking is that, just like that little guy who had help from his mother, if I simply make a plan to cut down on the portions.... and then follow the plan.... my body will eventually adapt.

Each change is a new experience. I'm thinking I don't need to worry about the "stage fright" -- worrying and wondering if I will be able to do it. If I decide what I want to do, make a plan that works for me, and then follow the plan.... I should be able to make the kind of changes that will begin to allow me to lose weight.

I've not been fasting consistently and a couple of times when I tried it, I allowed a "feeling" to distract me from completing it.

I've never liked the word "discipline" because it is "hard." It always meant doing something that I did not want to do. So funny. It is not really what I thought it was.

Self Pity. I once had a friend tell me, point blank, that he did not like my "self pity." I was stunned but I thought about it and replied to him sincerely that I did not know how to NOT do that. He said nothing more and I had no idea what to do with that information. In the last couple of days I've prayed and asked God to search my heart again and he showed me that self pity is "beside the point." It actually is more of a distraction than anything else.

I watched an episode of "Extreme Makeover, Weight Loss Edition" and the young overweight woman demonstrated the same kind of self pity that I've done. The trainer had to really push her to what seemed to me to be the ultimate extreme, to get her past the self pity, and on to the "getting it done." It did not happen overnight, either.

If self pity is an ingrained habit, it needs the same kind of treatment as any other bad habit. When you recognize it, stop it. Replace it with adherence to the plan. A plan that is followed makes life easier than having a plan and not following it because of feelings, or distractions, or self pity.

The self guilt from not following the plan is more mind games that just keep getting repeated -- they turn into a super long distraction. What a waste of time. I could have been working towards the goal rather than licking my wounds and wallowing in self sympathy.

I'm afraid I have been doing that all my life. I think I'd like to do something else. Self pity is not fun anymore. I need to find another way to affirm my self and the best way that I can think of is to trust in God. Amen!

I fear writing here what the plan is... but if I don't that is just "more of the same." I know what the plan is, I just want to keep it to myself for a while. I know I need to fast twice a week. I'd like to consistently try 16:8 on my feast days. I'd like to exercise in some way every day while remembering to be careful of my injured limb. I'd like to keep eating veg and protein with some fruit sometimes. So I need to think and write the plan down. Then I need to follow it, without pity.

Definitions:

Pity: sympathetic sorrow for one suffering, distressed, or unhappy

Self-pity: a feeling of pity for yourself because you believe you have suffered more than is fair or reasonable

I think I learned to pity myself when I was very young. I had my reasons. In my mind it makes sense that I would have done that, given my circumstances at the time, but doing that now is only, as I said, a distraction. I would be better off with self discipline. With that I might actually accomplish a goal or two!

Onward!!

Be back soon,

Marcia

Food and The Need to Feel Different

Hi,

I was going over some of the posts that I printed out in order to use them for support and motivation and got to thinking again.

I had asked myself the question, "What are you looking for when you eat?" and had come up with a really revealing post (link to post) but as I began to re-read it I cut the question down to, "What are you looking for?" and realized I am looking for a feeling.

That feeling of peace which I have only experienced through the Spirit of God.

Psalm 16:11
Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

I really do find the most joy in speaking with God, worshiping Him, reading His Word and writing Bible study/commentaries. When I am doing that, I feel complete and full. God is amazing.

So why would I look for that in food?

John 6:27

Labour not for the meat which perisheth, but for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give unto you: for him hath God the Father sealed.

Of course, it is "D." Biochemical triggers and the need to feel different.

The above is a quote from "The Anatomy of A Food Addiction" which I had been reading for a while. Link: (to the book).

I think I know how to handle the biochemical triggers which I consider to be carb cravings. I know she is talking about something more scientific but I happen to know, very well, that when I start eating too many carbs, too often, the eating machine starts to be in full swing. The biochemical triggers are real. My personal solution is the 3-day carb fast which really does set me right again.

The one thing that is really hard for me to control is that "need to feel different" which is why I go to carbs in the first place. I have not really investigated that before. I've become a little more aware of it, but have not really looked at what is going on there.

I'm thinking that that may be the place where I need to use the process of writing down my thoughts and then analyzing them, then providing a positive replacement for them which I was reminded of at Victory Steps. Link: (to the web site)

I'm feeling a little fearful of this one. Its like I want to "not" investigate this, so prayer is needed. I will go to God with this one. 

As I was about to end this post, I got interrupted by the dryer finishing so I went and hung up the clothes and left the folding of the socks for a little later this evening. That was just enough distance for me to come back and resume my sharing.

This seems like a really core issue so I really do want to wait and go to God first on this one. I know that He will show me what I need. I don't have to do this alone.

I also know that just being aware of this is a good thing.

I am fasting today and have about an hour or so before I will have my meal. 

I also believe in "holding the question" -- which means I don't want the slick fast answers -- I want to look at the question, "What feeling are you looking for?"

One statement that I got from the Victory Steps, "Emotional Eating" program that I listened to is this:

"There are foods that we are consuming for entertainment – and not just for entertainment but as a substitute for prayer, for communication with other Christians, and as a substitute for God’s love and His Holy Spirit. Any time we use something physical like food or drugs or alcohol or shopping or sex – something physical to fulfill an emotional or spiritual need we will always fall short and frustrate ourselves. Because it is like drinking water from a glass with a giant hole in the bottom. " 
From: (Overcoming Emotional Eating and Negative Thinking, By: Bonnie MeChelle)

I wonder where all this will take me. I'm feeling positive about this, now. Thank you Lord!

Be back soon, Lord willing,

Marcia

The Learning Curve

Hi,

This new space is just that "new." I am just learning how to live in it.

Last night I was avoiding going to bed. So, remembering the pleasure I am having in my new discovery I picked up my notebook and began to read, thinking it would be fun. As I read I started to be anxious and nervous. Oh no. The more I tried to read the more anxious I got. I knew there was something that I needed to see but was not going to see it in continuing what I was doing.

I played some mindless games to calm down and then went to bed. As I thought and prayed it dawned on me that I had been trying to learn how to do this on my own. In my unconscious mind I had turned it into a "project" that I had to accomplish.

As I prayed I was remind that I don't have to do this. That is not what it means to have faith. Yes, there are some works that need to be done as a result of faith, but faith is not created by works. My faith is not created by my works. I don't have a new project, I have a restored life. I'm learning a new way to LIVE!

I remembered a scripture:

John 6:27-29
²⁷ Labour not for the meat which perisheth, but for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give unto you: for him hath God the Father sealed.
²⁸ Then said they unto him, What shall we do, that we might work the works of God?
²⁹ Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent.

New life is a gift from God which we receive by faith in the Son of God. As I realized that I had taken this on as a burden, I remembered that I can give my burdens to Jesus. As I did, I felt the relief He gives. I felt the rest He gives.

Matthew 11:28-30
²⁸ Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
²⁹ Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
³⁰ For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Yes, learning how to live life differently requires a little patience and kindness to yourself and your feelings. It is not going to happen over night and it won't happen by using old methods. It requires a new method. It requires faith in the One who fights my battles for me.

Thank God.

Today as I stood doling out my supplements, again, I recalled that what I need is faith in the new life that Jesus has given me.  Faith in His restoration. 

When I realized I was hungry it was a pleasure to have a big salad already made in my fridge. I filled a bowl with salad as I decided what else to have with it. At first I thought about the sausage that I plan on having with veggies. Or I could choose more flax crackers with cream cheese. I ended up with flax crackers and peanut butter.

When I started to eat, I began with my salad and it was so good I just continued to pursue it. When the bowl was empty I thought, "Wow, that really was enough!"... but that was hard for me to believe so I did a few crackers as I watched myself go beyond the "enough" stage that my body was signaling to me.  So odd.

Then I realized that I had not believed the message so I did not stop immediately. I ate a few crackers with peanut butter and soon folded up the bag and put the jar away because I was full.

This is a new one. I have to realize that the message from my body is more important than the plan I had for the meal. The message from my body is more important than the food in the bowl or on the plate. The message is more important than the menu!!  This is so new, and so cool to be learning. I pray the Lord will give me the strength to believe the message and respond appropriately.

I want to respond to the message as the truth that it is.

I am also kind of flabbergasted at how little my stomach actually requires. It is actually like the skinny people on the BBC program "Supersize vs. Superskinny" which is the only reference I have.

I'm not saying I want to be superskinny. What I am saying is the habits I used to live by are no longer the ones I want to nurture. I want to nurture the new life I have been restored to so I need a new picture or reality about me in this area.

I recall that some of the superskinny would eat one candy bar and call that a meal. This is all they might eat for hours on end. That was not healthy but, wow, one candy bar. Not a bag of candy bars... just one.

I want to take my body seriously so I want to practice simply getting the message and then putting the fork down. When my body says enough, then I will be finished, too. Not sure I can do this on my own, so I'm asking the Lord for guidance and help.

Don't want to go on and on.... so will stop here for now.

Be back soon,

Marcia