She said: "I am determined it is gonna be my year."

2013 is drawing to a close.... finally. Yesterday I was thinking that I will be glad to be rid of this year of the "13". I'm not superstitious but I'll be happy to know this one is done and I can move on.

It was not an awful year except for my diet and my health, recipes, and my church attendance -- and how I felt about myself and what I was doing. Ok, it was kind of awful and I'm tired of that.

I belong to this closed group on facebook called "The 5:2 Diet" and I love it. All the people on there are working towards better health and losing weight by fasting twice a week and sharing about it and supporting one another. I participate and give advice to the newbies, but feel like a hypocrite when I am not actually following the program, myself.  There are others doing the same thing and they share about that, too.

I often think that if I had stuck to it, like they did,..... if I had not given up..... I might be in an entirely different space right now. If I had done what they did, I, too, might have been successful and been able to post my "before and after" photos. I envy their success photos. I encourage them in my comments but envy their fortitude and dedication to their goals. That could have been me!! Why not me, in 2014?

Of course the actual fast they do is not really a fast in the strictest sense... they eat 500 calories on their fast days but they last for 36 hours on that amount. They sleep, eat 500 cals, then sleep again and eat normally the next day. Many of them are quite successful at losing a lot of weight simply with their dedication and vision.

When I was strictly following my "Eat Stop Eat" program (eat normally, water fast for 24 hours in a row, eat normally -- twice a week) and in between be a little careful I too was losing weight. But at some point... something went wrong. I've been blogging about it repeatedly and not gotten "up" but today I read the above comment on The 5:2 Diet page and felt something in me responding.

She said: "I am determined it is gonna be my year."

I am respecting her privacy and not using her name but I am grateful to her for stating it so... forcefully. I want 2014 to be the year that I am successful, too.

I got discouraged at the beginning of 2013 when I was sick... and tired of keeping records that did not change so I quit keeping records. 

Oh my gosh! I just read what I said. I got tired of not seeing a difference in the records, so, instead of doing something about it, I stopped keeping the records!! It would be an hilarious joke if it had not been so hard to have lived through! Wow!

This needs to change. The record keeping, the daily entries really did keep my eye on the ball. I gave up and have been trying to poke the sleeping bear, on occasion. I've not gotten up yet but I feel a new surge of desire and hope for 2014. Maybe this will be the year that I actually reduce my excess weight by a major portion. 

I had also gotten involved in the "recipe" project (going through and posting my Mom's recipes as a tribute to her) and really got off track with what I allowed me to eat. I somehow, got permission, to ignore all the things I know about my own diet and just eat like I did when I was young and ignorant. Well, not totally, but enough that it caused havoc with my weight loss. I am actually ending the year 2013 weighing more than I started out with. Ugh.

That is what comes from giving up and going into hibernation. I turned my back on what works because I was tired. So very tired of not seeing results.

I've been hibernating from going to church, too. I've only been a couple of times in 2013 and none of those experiences were what I would call good, let alone thrilling, or even desirable. There was nothing there to draw me back... in fact I ran farther away.

But this new Bible study class that I am teaching is inspiring me towards God, again. There is just nothing in the world like going through a Bible passage line by line to get you in touch with Jesus and God the Father, again! I am so amazed that He is using me to teach in this way, again. What a blessing. I'm looking forward to tomorrow's class with good energy and excitement.

I'm also attending the group's Tuesday night prayer session, whether in person or on the phone, and that is an awe inspiring experience too. Not that that is the reason for doing it. Praying for people and praising God is the reason but doing those things always touches me personally and deeply in ways that I had forgotten about.

Ways that I had forgotten about.....

That is perhaps the gist of my dieting woes, too. I have not been paying attention to the benefits of the daily journal, the weekly exercise, eating ideally for my body and who I am and where I want to be in my health journey. 

I had forgotten what the purpose was. I got entangled and headed out in the wrong direction. I just wanted to be rid of the burden of what I was doing not working, so I pretended it did not exist. But not very well. I still knew it existed and not doing anything about it is the real burden. The longer you pretend it does not exist, the longer it sits on your mind. Avoiding the problem is "down pulling."

I think I just need to get my 2014 plan in order and ready to begin on the first. I can feel the enthusiasm building. I love to make a plan and then love to follow it. Keeping the purpose in mind is what keeps the plan going.

Heading in the right direction, day by day, is uplifting. Even if you don't reach the final destination that day, keeping it in sight gets you one step closer. Closer is better.

I also need to get my new "support system" set up, too. I need to notice what kinds of things support me in reaching my goal and then incorporate them into the plan. If I notice things that don't support me, then I need to side step them.

1. Make an appointment with my doctor. I have a new doctor now and I need to use him as my new coach. Just having the appointment motivates me because I always want to "look good" for them, so I usually up my participation in preparation for the visit. If I'm ready and have time to prepare that simply motivates me.

2. Get a new journal set up. Let the old one go and start something new. The old one was very elaborate and detailed.... I may need that or maybe something simpler, such as recording my weight on a calendar along with my glucose and PB numbers. Then, of course, I want to schedule my exercise so maybe something similar to my old way is best because I usually want to keep track of more things and have places to comment, too. I'll figure that out and get it ready for myself and 2014. I think it will be similar to my original record keeping but maybe I'll update it a little, if needed, and put it in a new binder. A new color, a new binder, with new stuff inside. Yep, my 2014 binder will be a brand new start for me.

3. I already know the plan that works for me: fasting twice a week and eating Atkins-like the rest of the time. I need to find the thing that will motivate me to actually do that, day in and day out. I'm thinking prayer will be the necessary item, here. I'm hoping God will guide me and inspire me with this one.

As part of this "planning" I'd like to consider eating a nice moderate satisfying meal once a day on most days with a true fast twice a week.  

It feels like such a challenge to my heart to consider not eating any of the carbs I love to binge on. It's almost like I fear a loved one will be gone and I don't want her/him to leave. What a tug. It's like dealing with a death in the family.  The remedy must be to remember the benefits. Focus on the purpose. Keep the end in sight. It is not a death. It is the addictive brain and feelings not wanting to give up their flamboyant and nasty puppet control. I hear a faint dastardly, "ha ha ha," in the back ground.

I need to get real with the binge directives. They don't come from "on high" -- they come from below!! I need a new perspective about them. A new reality check -- and prayer. This may be where the binge analysis process will help. Instead of eating I need to examine, write, and refute.

4. I know that reading about correct eating and fasting styles helps to keep me on track so I can do that in preparation and for on-going support, too.

5. I need the proper food in the house too. This is probably the one most important preparation. Proper feeding and fasting is essential and you cannot do that without the proper food. I need to get rid of the flour and sugar and if there is anything else high carb, that needs to go in the trash, too. I also need to restrict dairy, such as cheese, and the like, because my body swells with that, too. I no longer have any dairy in the house right now and I need to keep it that way. So... get the carbs and dairy OUT -- get good veggies and protein IN.  

I am already on day three of a 3-day carb fast, so I'm in a good place today to make plans and get things ready to begin on the first of January of 2014 which is three days away.

This is not a "New Year's Resolution" for me, even though it looks like one. This is a new determination and resolve for me and my life. I don't want a repeat of 2013. I am not going to take this lying down. I have had enough. I want 2014 to be my year. If I start in January and look for the results in December, with mile stones along the way, this can be my year.

2014 is my year. 2014 is a good place to be. Hopefully I'll blog more often and with more success stories this year. 2013 was the year of repeated failures. I have that to stand on now. A failure is a stepping stone. It shows you what not to do. 2014 sill be my "what to do" year. My year of sticking to it and making a real difference. No more hibernating bear.

Imagine losing 30-40-50, or more, pounds in 2014. Imagine being happy with a 1-pound per week loss. Imagine the allowable weekly fluctuations and being happy that I'm still on track because I am DOING WHAT WORKS day by day.... week by week.  With the Lord's help, and if He is willing, that will be my 2014. 

I'm off to get the plan set up and going.

Be back soon,

Marcia