Victory in Jesus

Hi,

For all my good intentions I had another binge recently. Not a big long lasting one, but a significant one. A couple of days ago, I was with a friend who offered me two of those small peppermint patties and I grabbed them up and ate one immediately. They looked pretty small so, "What's the big deal" was my false and rebellious attitude. I practically inhaled the first one and oddly set the second one aside. Later in the day I ate the second one.

Later the same day I was dreaming about a bag of bridge mix. I fought with myself about the candy as I drove towards Walgreens where I usually buy it. I stopped at CVS instead, thinking they will not have what I am thinking about. I was also suffering from acid indigestion from the second peppermint pattie so I told me it was OK to go in and buy something for that -- knowing that I was going to look at the candy.

I know you know what I am talking about. It is like when you bake a chocolate cake for someone else, because you want cake. Then you eat the whole cake and bake another one for the someone else, who did not ask for a cake in the first place. You know.

I wandered up and down the candy aisles trying to find the least harmful one. Suddenly I focused on a small bag of licorice gummy bears and chose those. I did not read the package, I did not want to know the facts. I took it home and ate the entire six or eight ounces of candy that same evening. Even though I was completely satisfied with the first two, I ate the rest of them like there was no tomorrow.

Later that night, as I slept, I had bad dreams. I dreamed that as I was eating different foods that my body was literally reacting like I was aroused. Each food that I ate caused a different kind of arousal. Then I woke up with the worst leg cramps I have ever had. Not just one muscle in the lower calf but every muscle in the lower calf of both legs was tightening up and cramping and very painful. I got up and waddled to the kitchen because the cramps were in my feet, too, and took a dose of powdered magnesium that I mixed in a cup of water, along with two calcium caps and a zinc cap. I knew it would take about 20 minutes to work so I slowly walked around as I waited, drinking another cup of water and letting the leg cramps relax back to normal. They were stunning in their intensity. I have never had them that bad before, never in so many muscles at once.

Those two things happening in one night, the dream and the cramps, were a very powerful wake up call for me. I finally admitted that the food cravings I experience are exactly the same as the sexual cravings I used to experience. That was the message of the dream. The Lord delivered me from the one, and He will deliver me from the other, if I but turn to Him in faith, for help.

You must know that this is hard for me to admit on a public forum like this. I feel lead to do it in case someone else suffers from the same two addictions. The one is conquered, and I turn away from any kind of reminders including TV shows or commercials and I pray when necessary. But I had not put the food cravings to the same discipline. I have now taken them to the Lord, also. I'm aware that I need to do that for each one until I form the habit and I trust the Lord will give me the strength.

He has been teaching me the correct food principles which I have been sharing, and I have been putting them into practice -- but every once in a while, I have fallen. Quite often, actually. The Lord actually told me a long time ago that the two addictions were the same, but I did not comprehend what to do about it. But, once He gave me the dream where the food caused my body to react, it was like my brain finally got it. The cramping was major. The dream was shocking, but it allowed me to put the two together and to know what I must do.

It is as morally wrong for me to eat food that I fully believe is not fit for human consumption as it would be to sleep with someone I am not married to. I'm not sure I can justify that one to someone else. I just know that they are both "the lust of the flesh." I finally get it and when I now get those feelings and pictures that I call a craving for something, I can be victorious over it through prayer and the help of Jesus Christ. I cannot afford to indulge those pictures and feelings anymore. I must turn my back on them, but I cannot do it alone.

I know you must be wondering about this. I know, if you have followed my blog, that you must have wondered in the past why I do these things -- why I have fallen so many times. I've asked myself "why" many times. Even though I am still new with the victorious position, I want to explain the other position. The one I lived under for so many years. It was the position of the victim. I had no power over the cravings. AA calls it being powerless over my addiction. My cravings were so strong that if I did attempt to ignor them, they simply came back full strength in a little while and the losing battle began again. I slowly learned to give up earlier because it seemed there was no use. If I once got one of those "instructions" to eat a forbidden food, I had to eat it. I was compelled to eat it. I had no hope. I was the victim of my own desires and did not know the way of escape.

I got a craving for pizza tonight, and as soon as I recognized it I turned to the Lord for help. This time, I knew. This time I had faith that He would help me. He did. This time it was not the desperate call for help as I slipped down the inevitable slippery slide. This time I knew it could be stopped with the help of the Lord. I clung to Him, instead of the pictures. The craving was immediately changed into a desire for something fresh and raw and green. I ate a fresh raw cucumber and never thought about pizza again, until I started to write this. That was and is amazing to me. Thank you, Lord!

I then thought about tomorrow when I am helping at a spaghetti dinner fund raiser. Ordinarily I would simply plan on eating some. I am very tempted to, even right now. But that food is not good for me and it will only cause me problems if I indulge. I am putting my faith in God. As Paul said: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." With Him, I am no longer powerless over my own cravings. But only with Him. It does not work if I try to do it on my own. I must turn to Him for help, but it must be done in faith, knowing that He will help me. I know. He will. God is good.

Christianity is practical. Jesus does make a difference in your life.

Be back soon,

--Marcia