The Learning Curve

Hi,

This new space is just that "new." I am just learning how to live in it.

Last night I was avoiding going to bed. So, remembering the pleasure I am having in my new discovery I picked up my notebook and began to read, thinking it would be fun. As I read I started to be anxious and nervous. Oh no. The more I tried to read the more anxious I got. I knew there was something that I needed to see but was not going to see it in continuing what I was doing.

I played some mindless games to calm down and then went to bed. As I thought and prayed it dawned on me that I had been trying to learn how to do this on my own. In my unconscious mind I had turned it into a "project" that I had to accomplish.

As I prayed I was remind that I don't have to do this. That is not what it means to have faith. Yes, there are some works that need to be done as a result of faith, but faith is not created by works. My faith is not created by my works. I don't have a new project, I have a restored life. I'm learning a new way to LIVE!

I remembered a scripture:

John 6:27-29
²⁷ Labour not for the meat which perisheth, but for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give unto you: for him hath God the Father sealed.
²⁸ Then said they unto him, What shall we do, that we might work the works of God?
²⁹ Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent.

New life is a gift from God which we receive by faith in the Son of God. As I realized that I had taken this on as a burden, I remembered that I can give my burdens to Jesus. As I did, I felt the relief He gives. I felt the rest He gives.

Matthew 11:28-30
²⁸ Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
²⁹ Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
³⁰ For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Yes, learning how to live life differently requires a little patience and kindness to yourself and your feelings. It is not going to happen over night and it won't happen by using old methods. It requires a new method. It requires faith in the One who fights my battles for me.

Thank God.

Today as I stood doling out my supplements, again, I recalled that what I need is faith in the new life that Jesus has given me.  Faith in His restoration. 

When I realized I was hungry it was a pleasure to have a big salad already made in my fridge. I filled a bowl with salad as I decided what else to have with it. At first I thought about the sausage that I plan on having with veggies. Or I could choose more flax crackers with cream cheese. I ended up with flax crackers and peanut butter.

When I started to eat, I began with my salad and it was so good I just continued to pursue it. When the bowl was empty I thought, "Wow, that really was enough!"... but that was hard for me to believe so I did a few crackers as I watched myself go beyond the "enough" stage that my body was signaling to me.  So odd.

Then I realized that I had not believed the message so I did not stop immediately. I ate a few crackers with peanut butter and soon folded up the bag and put the jar away because I was full.

This is a new one. I have to realize that the message from my body is more important than the plan I had for the meal. The message from my body is more important than the food in the bowl or on the plate. The message is more important than the menu!!  This is so new, and so cool to be learning. I pray the Lord will give me the strength to believe the message and respond appropriately.

I want to respond to the message as the truth that it is.

I am also kind of flabbergasted at how little my stomach actually requires. It is actually like the skinny people on the BBC program "Supersize vs. Superskinny" which is the only reference I have.

I'm not saying I want to be superskinny. What I am saying is the habits I used to live by are no longer the ones I want to nurture. I want to nurture the new life I have been restored to so I need a new picture or reality about me in this area.

I recall that some of the superskinny would eat one candy bar and call that a meal. This is all they might eat for hours on end. That was not healthy but, wow, one candy bar. Not a bag of candy bars... just one.

I want to take my body seriously so I want to practice simply getting the message and then putting the fork down. When my body says enough, then I will be finished, too. Not sure I can do this on my own, so I'm asking the Lord for guidance and help.

Don't want to go on and on.... so will stop here for now.

Be back soon,

Marcia