Maping the Binges

After my last post about the binging I am a little relieved that I got no actual comments except from a dear friend who said I was brave and that she loved me. Means a lot.

I remembered a book that I had been told about and looked it up on Amazon.com and bought the kindle version. It is called "Anatomy of a Food Addiction: The Brain Chemistry of Overeating."  I do not recall who recommended it, but I think it may have been Dr. Mercola, (maybe not) who said that it was the best book about (food) addiction that he had read. That is why I knew I had the addiction. I've known for a long time and have been trying to deal with it on my own. I now realize I need some kind of help or guidance and am hoping this book will provide what I need.

I can see that the book, which has homework assignments, is helping me to take a look at the triggers for my particular addiction. Two that I have noticed, and kind of knew about and blogged about before, are the end of a TV program or movie, and ending a fast. I have two kinds of binges. One is when I don't have any food in the house and I go out and buy junk food which is the one I described in my previous post.

The other one tends to be on the day, and the day after, I go grocery shopping. I bring home all the food that I've bought for the next week or two and put it away. I always buy myself one treat when I grocery shop. It could be anything from ice cream to crackers and cheese. I don't buy candy as a treat, under these circumstances. Usually. It is more likely to be cheese, nuts, and/or crackers with veggie cream cheese. I consider myself to be doing low carb so any carby item would be a treat.

What happens is I shop, I bring every thing home, I unload the car, I put things away and then, since I am tired, I give myself a reward. I've usually been thinking about it for the whole drive home, during the unload, and the put away, too. Then I open it up and dive in. This will sometimes seem to give me permission to have something more, too. I don't usually gorge during this kind of a binge but I do eat until I am full. Sometimes I "push eat" by continuing to eat during the rest of the evening. The next day, whether I binge again depends on if I have anything left over from the night before. Or if I bought myself some other items disguised as "healthy food."

A picture has come up in my mind of when Mom and Dad bought groceries and would come home and we would all have ice cream. Hmmmmm.

Another thing the book points out is "rule breaking" habits. Like when you know you are in an area where you are tempted to eat or buy things you know you should not so you start setting up rules for yourself. Like, "When I go in the Quick Stop, I'm only going to buy one candy bar," then when you go in you buy two. Rule Broken. Then you make the rule that, "I'm not going to buy any chips to go with the candy," and then you buy a bag of chips. Then you tell yourself, "I'm only going to eat 3 chips, and then you eat half the bag." Another rule broken. Then you say, "I'll eat the rest of these tomorrow," and put them aside -- although not actually 'away' in the cupboard. Then later in the evening you eat the rest of the bag. Every rule that was set up to protect yourself was broken, in a long string of broken promises. These are signs of addictive behavior. Just like the alcoholic who promises to have one drink, but then drinks the rest of the night until he/she is falling down drunk. They are addicted. Just like I am.

What I am also being told in the book is that certain chemicals cause the brain to think like this.

It is very interesting reading but is also a bit confrontive, so I have to read it piecemeal. I am doing the home work so I get the full benefits -- if I can. I'm not sure I can change my addictive binge behavior but the author, Anne Katherine, seems to believe that if I stick with it and do the exercises I can get beyond it.

I hope so,

Be back soon,

Marcia