Still Completely Thrilled!!

Hi!!

I just have to share about continuing to live in this new revelation (see yesterday's post).

I just keep praising the Lord for His Goodness to me. It is really a joy to really feel whole and complete in Him!! It is so good to be restored -- to be renewed -- and I owe it all to the Lord!!

To an "outsider" it may look like I did this myself, but I happen to know that God brought me here. He restored me because there is no restoration outside of Him! It is what He does! Amen!

It is so glorious to actually feel myself again. I've been paying attention to this renewal and having new experiences. This may sound crazy but I really do feel like I have been restored to the place I would have been if none of that old stuff had ever happened!! It is a new revelation and a new life in Christ.

I feel inside like the thin woman I was meant to be. I am renewed. It is a very real picture for me. I don't have to "make it up" it is real inside me. Thank the Lord!! Praise God!

Yesterday I went to lunch with a friend and we went to my favorite Mexican restaurant, Los Hermanos, on the corner of Hwy 29 and Indian Trail in Lilburn. I always get the chicken fajitas when we go. When they put the chips and salsa on the table I made a conscious effort to forgo them and wait for my one plate of food. I also did not order the guacamole dip that I usually order. I'm so glad I did. That cut out a lot of carbs.

Then when the food came it was on a humongous plate. I had fasted the day before and had eaten very small after that, so I was hungry. The plate was steaming hot and so lovely to look at. I thought about the beans and rice but did not fasten on to the idea that I "should" leave the rice behind. I remembered that part of the Victory Steps program includes a few carbs with a meal so I simply accepted them and went on. I had not eaten chips, so I ate the rice and beans along with the chicken, green pepper, onions, shredded lettuce, guacamole, and sour cream that it all comes with.

I simply enjoyed the meal. I ate. I listened to my friend talk. I shared. I drank water. When I was done, I was finished. Praise the Lord!! No need for anything else!! It was such a pleasure.

I laughed when I noticed that I had not eaten the pico di'gallo which means I left something on my plate. I did not eat it because of the tomato, which I am slightly allergic to, but still, I had left something on my plate. My friend is a slow eater and I am a fast eater so then I simply sat and talked with him as he went on slowly eating and talking. It was fun. When the waiter wanted to take my plate, I asked him not to remove mine until my friend's plate was removed. I don't like to sit there without my empty plate while he still has his and is eating.

At one point I saw myself pick up my fork and start scraping the plate, but I remembered that I don't have to scrape the plate clean, so I simply set the fork down on the plate and was not bothered by it again. So fun!!

The waiter tried to take my plate about three times, but each time, I politely and with a smile, explained that I wanted to keep it until my friend was done. Looking back I see that I felt that this was a journey we were both taking and I did not want to go to the next step without him. I think it is a lonely place to be when everyone else's plate is removed and you are still there eating. I think it is a lonely place to be to have my plate removed while my friend is still eating so, this time, I just made sure I stayed in the pleasant companionable place with my friend -- and our plates.

Through yesterday and today I've been really enjoying eating small and only when it seems right to me. Small is enough for me. In the Victory Steps program they talk about serving sizes being the same size as your hand. Today when I woke up I knew I was thirsty so I drank a bottle of water. Later I drank some more. Then after I had some more, I realized I was hungry and wanted some breakfast.

As I looked in the fridge I noticed the eggs and pulled them out, but did not want to eat only eggs. I needed some veggies, too, so I recalled that I have some green beans in the fridge and got them out along with a package of frozen bell peppers and onions. I threw one handful of peppers and onions in the pan, then I threw in one handful of Italian green beans and sauted them in coconut oil with a little salt, curry powder, granulated garlic and pepper. I savored the fact that I was cooking the right size, or quantity, of food.

When it came time to break the eggs I had been thinking about three eggs but remembered that the serving size is "one handful" so I put two eggs in my hand and that was a handful so I had two eggs.

I like this new "handful" serving size. That means I can cook for one, now, and not an army. It means I can cook for one, and not from the lust for food. I can cook enough. I love that word enough. It means just the right amount -- it is neither too small to satisfy, nor too much to eat on one plate. It is perfect. It is enough.

As I put the egg carton away with only one egg in it, I remembered that I don't have to make decisions about that one egg right now. I can just put it away and let it become part of some future decision. That felt really good. Before I would probably have eaten it -- out of that same "clean plate" syndrome. I don't need to finish off anything in the fridge as a way to manage it. I can leave some things to a future time or other situation.... it does not matter now. It was so fun to realize that I am no longer stuck with cleaning things up, or finishing them off, by eating them. My eating now has nothing to do with that! Hallelujah!!

Praise the Lord! Thank you Father! My eating has nothing to do with plates, or food, or what's left, or whats on the shelf. My eating has to do with me and myself. It is as simple and plain and freeing as that!! My eating has to do with me and what I want or need. What is perfect for me. I really like "enough." Amen.

I pictured leaving some food behind on my plate, or in the fridge, or on the table, or anywhere, and realized that it was of no interest to me. It was of no consequence and meant nothing to me personally. It has nothing to do with me. I no longer have to monitor it, and make sure of anything about it. It is separate from me. I am a new creation in Christ! Thank you my Lord! My eating is a personal thing. It is my own personal adventure and starts and stops with me. What I say goes. This is such a new thing for me. I really like it.

I actually enjoy "not eating" and that surprises me, too, today.  Since I tried out the intermittent fasting I learned that not eating is a very nice place to be. I like it better because it feels lighter in my body. Drinking water is a good thing, too. I actually need water and air much more than I need food. And for all those worriers out there, no, I am not planning on never eating again. I like to eat, too, I just don't HAVE to eat like I did. I don't have to always eat. I can drink water. I can breathe and feel satisfaction. I can eat and enjoy and then move on. I think this is what normal eating is supposed to be. Praise the Lord!!

I am still very excited and pray that the Lord helps me to continue to walk in this new way and to continue to trust in Him.

I've had "revelations" or "highs" before that I believed were going to be life changing -- but I can see that this one really is and I am excited by that.

I am playing with the "one handful" portion size. I am experiencing eating one plate full of good food from time to time and letting it be finished when it is finished. Letting it be enough. I am enjoying having small one handful meals, too. Like one handful of walnuts, plain or with mustard and spices, is a tasty small meal. An ounce of feta cheese is a tasty and filling small meal. For some reason I don't want to call them "snacks" I want to call them small meals. That seems right to me in this new place.

I am no longer a big eater, I am a small eater, like I've always been but did not realize. This is what I was meant to be.

I do realize that I have to cooperate with this new place but I am not worried about that. I trust that the Lord will help me walk this new road. He will take me to my new destination with no thought or worry from me. He is able and He is always good!! Every day is a new day to experience "enough for me."  And I am glad.

This is so great!

Love the Lord!!

Amen!

Be back soon,

Marcia


This is a new and wonderful place to be in.


Women's Christian Weight Loss and Wellness Coaching Progam: Victory Steps

Look for audio program: Overcoming Emotional Eating and Negative Thinking