What is Your Actual Goal When You are Eating?

I was going over my notes from listening to an audio program by Bonnie MeChelle (founder of  the women's "Victory Steps Christian Weight Loss Group" -- victorysteps.net) called "Overcoming Emotional Eating and Negative Thinking" when I realized I needed to do a "process."

This is the section I was reading:

"Ideally you want to eat when you are hungry and stop when you are satisfied. What we do as emotional eaters is we wait until we are “starving” to eat. Then we overeat, past the point of fullness, past “satisfaction” and go way over to “stuffed.” 

"If you eat to the point of “stuffed” on a consistent basis, you are going to gain weight."

This statement really hit me and I realized I needed to "journal" about it. What I want to share is what I wrote in my journal about this. Here it is:

My goal when I am eating -- what I am seeking is that feeling of "full"

What does "full" feel like and what does it mean, to you?

"Full" means happy. Full means completely satisfied. Full means I could not actually eat even one more bite. Full means there is no more room for "anything else." (Nothing else has a place in me. Everything else is blocked out.) "Full" feels like a good place to be. Full feels like Christmas. Aaaaaaaah.

BUT eating until you are full on a consistent basis makes you gain weight -- it makes you fat. It slows down your body and makes you tired and sleepy. It makes you not want to move -- let alone do anything.

FULL IS NOT YOUR FRIEND

Full actually keeps you from feeling happy !!!

Full is way past the point your body actually says "I've had enough, you can stop now."

So there is "Enough" and "Full" -- there is also "Stuffed"

Stuffed is very uncomfortable -- painful even --

Stuffed comes from a gnawing desire to fulfill a need -- the need to feel loved.

How to fulfill that gnawing feeling: 

1. Notice it
2. Stop and breathe (20 slow deep breaths)
3. Repeat to self: "I am loved and I am worthwhile" over and over until you "receive" it deep within you
4. Ask: What am I reacting to?
5. Be patient and kind to your feelings
6. Write it down
7. Ask: Is there a solution to this?
     a. Make a plan to do what is necessary or possible regarding this
     b. Pray and turn it all over to God
     c. Trust in the Lord with all your heart 

New experiment:

1. When eating try one medium-sized satisfying moderate plateful and then no seconds. (Don't worry about storing what is left over. It is OK to put it in a container with a cover or a plastic bag, even, before you have your plateful -- in fact that is probably the best time to put it away: before you eat. Don't worry about what you will do with it, or when you will eat it, or what condition it may get into. Just store it away for now and "address" it later. You are free to choose at many points in time. You don't have to figure that out right now. That is a future choice.)
2. Examine and experience what it is like to eat just one portion
3. When you are done: Let it go. It is enough. You are OK.
IF YOU NEED IT GO ON TO STEP 4:
4. Pray for help
5. Breathe for 20
6. Say: I am loved and I am worthwhile. I can now do something else.
7. Say: I can now move on to complete a different project or activity or talk with a friend.
8. Say: I can walk away and let it go.
9. Then walk away and let it go. That meal is finished.

My next concern is a "What if" -- What if I really want to have "seconds?" (I know that "what if" statements are only meant to make me afraid, so I am not going to consider it. It will only confuse things. So the answer to this question is, "No what ifs.")

My new goal is to have one plateful and call it quits -- for real. When I originally wrote number 1 it said: "When eating try a small portion first." I had in mind that I could then, if I wanted it, have another small portion -- or "seconds" but I think I would rather that it be one medium-sized satisfying moderate plateful and then no seconds. I want to get over doing "seconds" which is where the journey to "full" always begins.

There is one other section of my notes from the tape that I want to go over. This is really from the same discussion as the above -- it is simply a little lower down the page. Here it is:

"I recommend that you leave food on the plate, on purpose, just to teach yourself that it is OK to leave food behind. You don’t have to scrape the plate and lick it clean in order to FINISH YOUR MEAL."

Then I wrote: Interesting thought: "A meal can be finished at any point you choose."

This was really a new revelation to me. It was a wonderful new idea when I first saw it and it continues to make me feel really good every time I read it. I can choose when MY meal is "finished" at any point I want to. That is MY decision! I no longer have to consider anyone or anything else. The point at which my meal is finished is completely up to me. I am free to eat as I please. It is my decision and no one else's. This makes me feel ecstatic!! Really!

And I also really enjoy the "20 breaths" breathing exercise she recommends. What Connie says to do is to use this method to interrupt a binge or where ever it is needed to help you satisfy the binge desire without actually doing a binge. The technique is to simply start to breathe very slowly and count each breath in and out.

When I tried it I was actually over joyed!! It actually touches that place in me from which the binge comes!! I did not know it was possible to touch that spot with something other than sweets or candy or binge items! This breathing method really does assuage my soul. What a revelation to me!

Here is what she says about the breathing exercise and how she describes this technique:

"Take a short relaxation break. Do a breathing exercise such as: 

SLOWING BREATH: you can do this in the car, at work, anywhere. You just take time to focus on your breath (and relaxation) as it goes in and out. 

Deep breath in: count 1, breath out: count 2 – in:3, out:4, etc. … do it very slowly all the way up to the number 20. When you get really good at it you can go to 50 and when you become a pro you can go up to 100. 

So when you are stressed and, “Oh gosh, I want some candy,” STOP, slowly count your breathing and relax."

Then she shares another extremely important step: 

"Take time to stop and think about what is really bothering you, then you can see what is bothering you. Instead of worrying about that problem, you just submit that problem up to God"

I feel confident these things will help me get beyond my addiction.

Hope you have been inspired to think you, too, can be victorious. May you be blessed to find the way out that you need.

(As I was editing and correcting and re-reading I looked at the "New experiment" again and suddenly I remembered the "High Chair Incident" which I have blogged about before. I realized that, as a baby, I had been really happy when I got to the point where I had had enough and simply stopped eating. I really got into it and re-experienced what it felt like when I had finished my food and stopped eating on my own. When I had had enough for me, I felt so very good. I felt loved. I felt accepted. I felt like everything was right. It feels very good right now just thinking about it and reliving it.

It is so thrilling to me that what I have been seeking all my life as I went for "full" was the feeling I had last had when I was full at "enough." I can stop there, now.  Don't know if anyone else gets it -- but I just feel so in touch and liberated that I want to Thank God for He has lead me here. Thank you Lord. You have answered my prayers and I am grateful!! Praise the Lord!!

I no longer have to relive the part where I was forced to eat. Mom is forgiven. I'm no longer under that "spell." I can now relive the part where I felt so very good to stop eating when I was full. I can have a new experience of joy at stopping when MY body says I'm full. I can have enough. Who needs more than enough? I don't. Enough really is enough. Enough is an excellent finishing point. It is not just about stopping, it is about finishing.)

"A meal is finished when I say so." 

No more second guessing!

I don't have to ignore that spot in me any more. That spot is mine and I love it. That spot is me. It is real. I am real. It is valid. I am valid. It is reconnected. I am reconnected. I can feel it as I breathe. I am loved and I am worthwhile. God is so good!! Praise the Lord.

It is so good to feel "whole" again.

Amazing Grace. Amazing process. Thank you, Lord. Oh Lord, please continue to make this real in me. I trust in You, my Lord!! I know you are Good. I know you are Good to me!! Thank you, Dear Lord!

Grateful.
 
Be back soon,

Marcia


There is a whole bunch more in her "tape" that I found really on point and helpful. If you'd like to listen to it here is a link: TalkShoe - Victory Steps  Look for this title: Overcoming Emotional Eating and Negative Thinking

 If you would liked to visit her web site here is a link: Victory Steps.net