Day 43 Monday

Hi,

I got interrupted on Saturday so I while I did apply for a job, I did not get to the store to purchase more salad fixings. That was a huge mistake. I am also on the end cycle for the dishes, too. What that means is that every dish in the house is waiting to be washed -- and when things get like that, I start choosing the food item to eat that is the least amount of hassle -- meaning I don't have to either wash a dish or a fork and spoon to make it happen, but can simply pull something out of the fridge and eat.  I can see where this ancient habit of mine does not support my new goals.

Finally, I stopped and looked and realized that I have lived my whole life like this. My room was a mess when I was a kid. And my house is like that now. I don't particularly like it, and when it gets to a certain stage, I don't let anyone come over to visit. I either go to their house, or we meet someplace, usually a restaurant. The whole house I grew up in was a mess, too, and it was embarrassing to invite my friends over. I am not blaming anyone. My mom had a houseful of lazy kids and my younger brother married a lady who has similar habits so their house is like this, too. My older sister's house is much more organized and she is not a pack rat, but has to keep on top of things or her house can begin to look a mess, too. But she is definitely better organized than I am. My older brother has a wife who is better organized, also, so she keeps a better house, although she hates to wash the silverware so you might find a sink full of them at her house.

I am only talking about this as a way to reveal something that I have "hidden."  I am not completely paranoid about it, sometimes you just have to recognize how things really are if you want to solve a problem. The problem I am trying to solve in bringing this up is the one about food choices. My point is that I can see that if I have let things in the kitchen go too far, it affects how I relate to, or, or how I choose what to eat. Before I started blogging today, I got all the silverware washed and it is sitting in the drainer. I am the dish washer at my house, and do not own an appliance with that name. I know. I must be living in the dark ages. But I can tell you this, my habits were the same even in those places that I lived that had a dish washer. The dishes would still pill up in the sink and on the counters, waiting to be washed. 

I am smart enough to know that if I simply did them every day, this back up would not occur. And here is the "but" -- but I always seem to be distracted. I am always more interested in doing anything but house work which is always on the back burner. I have read some of those "help you get uncluttered" websites, but that is usually as far as it goes. Applying the change just never seems to happen. I just keep doing what I am used to doing. It feels comfortable while I am doing it, but I always end up with a mess. And I hate messes.

I remember applying to be a member of "Fly Lady" which is a web site designed by a former clutter freak who has leaned how to conquer the problem. I wanted to conquer the problem, too. But all I remember about the experience is that suddenly I had more e-mail than I could keep up with. Reminders, encouragements, daily this and every hour that. I was overwhelmed by the flood of e-mail clutter and simply dropped out, so I could breathe freely again, and get back to keeping up with all the other e-mail I get.

Anyway. All this has been written because I did not go shopping on Saturday and get the veggies, I needed -- I had received a call from a friend and dropped everything to spend time out of the house with her. I needed that. But it did not support me in eating right. When Sunday got here, I had some pot roast and carrots for breakfast, went to church, went to the store to restock the veggie larder, also bought a ready made spinach quiche because I was hungry and craving, came home, ate some of the quiche that did not satisfy my appetite (like the veggies would have) because of the mess in the kitchen, and the lack of time because I had to go back to church early to go to a women's meeting. When I got home from church, I finished off the quiche (so I ate a whole quiche in one day!!!) and then watched TV for a while and went to bed. Wow.

I am not going to beat me up for having done all that. It was not good. But beating me up will only mean that I get stuck in what happened for a little while longer, because I feel guilty, and the problem would bring me father down in the guilt ridden self attack, rather than be a blip on the horizon. I am letting go. And moving on. Right now.  Today is a new day and I am planning on doing better. I seem to have a lot of these blips but that is where I am and what I struggle with. I can't get caught up in that, either. Today really is a new day and a new chance to turn to Jesus for help today. Now is the time of salvation. What shall I do now? is the needed question.

I shall clean up the kitchen mess over the course of the morning and for a long as it takes. I shall remember to fix and eat my fresh raw veggies and support myself in being healthy. I am still on a weight training rest day, but would like to get on the Aerofit and do a few minutes of aerobics for the good effects it has on my body and how I feel. I have a few other small chores that need to be done and will ask the Lord to help me stay on track. That one is the most important. Without Him, I can do nothing.

You just cannot let a stumble, big or small, keep you down and in that place. You have to get up and go again. Laying there will not accomplish anything good. Beating yourself up because you just took a step backward will not accomplish anything, either. Turn it over to God and let Him be the judge and take care of it. He is a good and loving God and will not nurture His anger forever. He loves mercy. He will never leave you and never forsake you, because He is so Good! Thank you, Lord Jesus, for your ever watchful vigilance. You are my righteousness. You are my salvation. You are my forgiveness. Thank you, dear Lord Jesus for your continued love and support. Please help me to get back on, and to stay on, track.

May you be blessed this day, to stay on track.

Be back soon

--Marcia