Day 47

Hi,

I just read through yesterday's post and was encouraged again. It seems odd to me that I need so much encouragement to stay on track. But I think I should cut my self some slack and simply get the encouragement I need. If that is what I need, then, that is what I need. No problem. The only real problem I have is being tempted to go astray and if practicing picturing eating right gives me the courage to do what is right, that is what I should do. I will know by the end of this evening if picturing eating good food really does work as I hope it will -- just like it says in my post yesterday.

I don't know how others are, but I have to work hard to juggle all this new stuff. If I don't pay attention, then I miss a meal or miss an exercise session. It occurred to me last night in bed as I was thinking about all this that I have never made a schedule to follow. I am still trying to juggle everything in my brain and it is not working so very well.

I did not make the menus when Dr Rip and Jim Healthy said that is what I should do. I hate making menus -- but I think in rejecting that, I may have thrown the baby out with the bathwater. I do need a way to keep track of meals and exercise if I am to know where I am and what I need to do next. I think that tomorrow that will be my next task. To make a schedule of how many meals I need to eat and when, and when I need to exercise and what kind.  I still don't think I need menus, but I do need to keep track of meals and snacks and exercise. 

I have about given up on calorie counting because it makes me crazy. Every time I get hungry I get a sinking feeling that I am doing something wrong and am flabbergasted that I am hungry again so quickly. Calorie counting is only an estimate anyway. I did not want to say that I'm giving up on that, because I don't want to lose face, but it is the truth. I feel the pressure and don't want the stress of calorie counting. I am glad I did it so I could get a better picture of what I am eating, but soon felt like the things that make me feel full are the things with the most calories and every time I would try to cut down on those things, I began to feel like I was starving until I would simply let loose and eat what I needed. I don't know if that is the right decision, but I am going to simply try to do better with the actual original program and move on from there. If when I go back to my doctor in about 6 weeks, I've lost a little, then I can justify the decision.

As I am re-reading "The 30 Day diabetes Cure" it is not about calories, but I am now noticing the portion control statements that I had not noticed the last time I read it. The calorie counting did get me in contact with how much I am eating, but as I read the book again, it really is about eating healthy many times throughout the day. I still feel that raw veggies are nearly unlimited and filling up on them is not a crime. But they don't seem to stick with me and sometimes I just need to eat a real meal -- so I up the size of the salad and can feel the full feeling. I don't know if I am doing what will help me to lose weight, but I've got to do what I am able to do and I want to feel at peace about it.

I went shopping today with a friend. We have different food needs. She has celiac disease and needs to eat gluten free -- I need to eat foods that do not affect my blood sugar, and as it turns out, her diet and mine are kind of similar in a few ways. Her's is actually more restricted than mine. But neither one of us can eat grain foods (whole or otherwise) very well. She is allergic to many more food items than I am. I feel for her. It is not easy to have to eliminate much of the food we are used to eating. And your life becomes about what you ate, and how it affected you, and what you will do next time. She is the best label reader I've ever come across and I am encouraged to do the same, since that is part of my program.

When I eliminated the processed foods, the labels got real easy to read. There is no label on broccoli or baby carrots or romaine lettuce. It is fresh whole food and can be eaten freely. I was thinking about buying some breaded fish today, but when I read the labels, I knew that was a bad idea.

As I walked past the "fresh" fish section I could hardly stand the stench. Even when I was looking at the high priced nuts, I could smell that putrid odor and had to leave the area it was so bad. I didn't really want any high priced nuts, anyway. Can you imagine! The average price seemed to be about $6 for a small plastic container of nearly any kind they had -- some as high as $9 for the same sized container because they were slightly more exotic, but as I rushed out of that area because of the stench, I scanned the prices and nothing seemed to be under $4.99. Later when I commented on that with my friend, she said the same thing -- that fish area just really smelled bad.

We were at a Whole Foods market, but the produce I bought was not all organic. At least at Kroger I can tell the organic from the regular -- maybe because I am simply more familiar with Kroger. I liked the store, but was completely unfamiliar with the layout. The people who worked there were extremely helpful and would just pop up and ask if I needed help. That was really nice. I bought one bar of 88% dark chocolate because this nice young man said it was the kind he liked the best -- but when I got it home and tasted it -- it was not what I had in mind at all. Perhaps I can melt it and make hot chocolate that I can sweeten with Stevia. I don't want anyone to know I sparingly use Xylitol -- because that is a "no-no." But after the 30 days was over, I started using it. I had some in plain yogurt today with a little cinnamon.

I've had the Zylitol question in my mind for a long time and the stuff I read on the internet does not seem to match up with what Dr Rip says about it. He does not go into detail about Zylitol as he does some of the other "artificial" sweeteners, but Z says that it comes from a natural source. I'm going to look that up and see what I see. I don't have to have it in my life, I just want to make sure it needs to be kicked out, for sure, before getting rid of it.

Well I am now thinking about Sweet Fellowship tonight and what a table of food will be there when I get there and how to deal with it. I have strong habits for eating at that place so will need to pray for strength and guidance to stay on my program this time and not do what I did last time. Make a pig of myself. It does not seem to matter whether I eat before I go or not -- I usually eat when I get there, no matter what. But that no longer supports my true desire to heal my diabetes and also get rid of some of these extra pounds. I am not looking to be Twiggy, I just want to wear smaller clothes comfortably.

 Be back soon with my report on how I did at Sweet Fellowship. I hope the news is good.

--Marcia
 

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