Day 19

Hi,

I read through my post yesterday and am glad I decided to drop that medication and go back to my old one. Prescription drugs can be so insidious. You just don't recognize what is happening because the side effects just start appearing with no fanfare. It is like being that frog in the pot of water that is coming to boil, it happens so naturally you don't see it happening at all. But once you notice something is wrong and you do take a look and begin to analyze and recognize -- put two and two together -- you can do something about it. Whether I take the prescription or not is my decision.

My personal doctor had given me this new medication after we had a talk and she wanted to do something more for my high blood pressure, and there is no way other than to actually take it to find out if it works or not. So she gave me a sample.There was no way to test my blood or urine to see if it would work. The doctor has been trained to prescribe drugs and I believe they do the best they know how, but they don't really know how any particular individual will react to any particular medication. They are educated, but are not in the position of God, who knows all.

We really are guinea pigs when it comes to "modern medicine." I almost think that they are so used to doing "research" that they don't mind doing "research" on you, no matter how it makes you feel. But you don't have to stay a guinea pig. If the side effects of a drug are too overwhelming, is that really a cure? Especially if there is an alternative? What comes to mind is chemo-therapy and all that those who take it must cope with and go through in order to gain a few more years of life. I guess if you are facing that, you have to decide for yourself, what you are willing to do, and not willing to do. I am not facing that, so cannot address it on anything more than an intellectual level, but I know I have choices as long as I am not unconscious -- in which case I trust God, and the closest medical practitioner who is willing to help -- but, ultimately, I know God is in charge -- even when I'm conscious.

I've been thinking about how I will explain my actions to her and here are my reasons: 1. It made my face itch, 2. It made it hard to fall asleep, and then I could not stay asleep, 3. It gave me an overwhelming feeling of depression, 4. It set off a wave of anxiety attacks. And if that is not enough, my simple refusal to participate with that, is enough. I do trust my doctor and look to her for guidance, but I'm not going to do anything that actually makes my every day life miserable. My life is tough enough without that.  It is not "good for me" if it is not "good for me."

Which brings to mind the Yoga question. If there had been a simple easy position that I thought I could do without pain or fear, then I would do it. I did not find anything in the booklet that fit that criteria for me. I am not fit. I am not nimble. I cannot stand on one foot without pain. I walk with a walking stick to help me go up and down stairs. Getting up out of a chair takes a gargantuan effort, every time I do it. And if the chair is too low, I might actually need help to, not only, get up, but to keep from tearing a ligament or two, at the same time. You try living your life with a 100 pound sack of sugar fastened to your chest, and another equally heavy one strapped to your back -- and remember you cannot take it off for a minute. You have got to sleep with it, talk on the phone with it, and drive the car with it. Plus you have to go to church or to parties with it, too. It ain't easy. I am looking forward to shedding those sacks with this program. I hope it works.

The next time you see a super fat person simply walking down the street you should applaud their fortitude for being there and doing that --even if you still feel justified in judging them for causing the problem themselves. They are just like you. You have caused the majority of problems in your life, too. If your credit card is over drawn, and you did it yourself, you are just the same -- it is just not visible to the world like obesity is. If you got fired from your job, because you mouthed off to the boss, you did it yourself, and you are just the same -- but it is not written on your jacket for the world to see. It takes guts to be obese (no pun intended) and still participate in the world. And notice that whether you caused it yourself, or it just happened to you, you are still living with the consequences. It was hard to keep yourself from doing those things, wasn't it? Getting fat is exactly like that frog in the pot of water coming to a boil that I keep mentioning. There is just some part of your consciousness that keeps you from acknowledging what is really happening. Maybe it is the desire to continually do things your own way. Maybe it is the rebel in you. Maybe you are proud of your disobedience. It will get you in the end.

I am not recommending any of these behaviors, and I'm not trying to turn them into something to applaud, they are not worthy of praise. I'm just saying, if you were in the same boat, you might have a little more compassion and a little less self righteousness. "But for the grace of God, go I," should be our mantra. All that is required of you in relation to "them" is a little compassion and kindness. For the most part, most people are kind to me, but every once in a while I run into someone that I need to refrain from shooting so I just try to remember they don't know any better. Just like Jesus said on the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." That is the one sentiment that makes life worth living -- the forgiveness of Christ.

At yoga, I am a beginner and need something that is on my level. I guess I could look around and see if there is some other yogic type thing I could do. I would like to do that. Maybe over time, I could work my way up to the things in the booklet.

On to..., what day is it? Oh, yeah..., Day 19. Getting enough sleep. I was completely amazed to read that a study had been done that showed that depriving a person of sleep for 6 days in a row will create a pre-diabetic state of high blood sugars in their body. And it also sounds like if you don't get enough sleep, you will be putting weight on your body. Lack of sleep alone will make you fat. Who would have thought?

Dr Ripich lists quite a few techniques and natural supplements that are meant to help you get a good night's sleep, which in turn will help you lose weight. (Wow.) I am already taking L-Theanine which my personal doctor recommended to lower anxiety -- that is not on the Dr Rip's list. And I think I am going to try taurine, one of the supplements he recommends. But be assured he does not start off with supplements. He gives good techniques for winding down which is entirely necessary for good sleep habits. He also recommends journaling to keep a list of foods and activities that we might not recognize as affecting sleep habits, but over time, they should become obvious if you keep track of them.

Note: I had about a cup of beans and 1/2 cup of the whole grain mix for breakfast and my blood sugar shot way up to 149. Whoa!! Something is out of balance and I'm going to blame the whole grain. Keeping to the vegetables and meat still seems like the perfect solution. Next time I eat only beans, no grain, and see what the sugar level is. I know that Dr Rip does not recommend monitoring your blood sugar, but I need evidence. I want to know if what I am now eating really is, or really is not, making a difference.

Be back soon

--Marcia