Day 32

Hi,

Well this is the latest I have started working on the blog, yet. I have been resisting because I am again feeling the "I hate dieting" mentality kind of weaseling its way around inside me. I am glad I read yesterday's post which began to put it into perspective again. I need to get it into perspective every single day. My calorie count at 9:34 p.m. is a little over 1700 so if I eat anything more before I go to bed at 1 or 2 in the morning, I will need to keep it to veggies. Which is not too bad. I kind of went a little overboard on a fresh pot of chili with beans that I made. It tasted so good, I had my lunch, and then had some for a snack and had some more for dinner. I guess that is not really bad, now that I said that. I somehow had it in my head that I was doing something wrong by eating in response to my hunger. THAT is why I hate dieting!!  It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong when I put anything in my mouth because I am hungry. Arrrgh!!

Makes me wonder. I remember dieting when I was a teenager, especially.  And I hated dieting then, too. Flashes of that time period went through my head as I recalled feeling that same way then. I often felt like there was something wrong with me because I was fat, and "everybody else" was slender -- my brothers, my sister, most of the kids at school that were in the cliques I did not belong to. My dad was overweight, but I even surpassed him after a while. And my two best friends were over weight, although not as big as I was. I used to try to make jokes about me being fat, before others did, I was very entertaining.  Some of the high school boys, the ones I did not know, would make fat comments every time I passed them, or they would reach out and pinch me, as I walked by. I became steely and hard from it, and would face them down one by one without a word. It did not take much. I would simply stop, turn and look them in the eye. They would usually slink off without saying anything. Sometimes I simply ignored them and continued on my way. But inside I was soft and hurting. Hmmm. I learned to bring out the hard shell whenever I needed to protect myself -- but was really feeling isolated and alone and depressed.

Had not recalled that for a long time. I know what healed all that for me: Jesus. Hearing Him say that I am loved and I am worthwhile. Finding Jesus really healed the hole in my heart and I am grateful to Him for that. Funny how counting calories was bringing all that bad stuff back into my feeling memory again. But I don't have to worry about that. I am forgiven in Christ. I am loved in Christ. I am worthwhile in Christ. He has made a place for me! Praise the Lord!! And doing what I am doing today -- counting calories -- is only a technique to be able to evaluate what I am doing, and keep me on track. I may have to remind myself every day, but I shall do it, because it is so much more freeing to realize the good purpose. And to recall that there is nothing wrong with me as a human being. Fat is simply one of the states of being for us humans. We come in all shapes and sizes and states, and God made us all from one blood to worship Him!! Praise the Lord.

I had not recognized any of that until I blogged. Grateful for the blog.

I found a way to get me moving in the right direction with the weight training, too. At least I hope so. I found a website and purchased and downloaded the book they were selling called "Fat Burning Furnace, How to Get Lean, Strong & Healthy For Life With... The 15 Minute Miracle!" They say they cover exercise and nutrition and I was sold on it, because it is part of my next step. If I can exercise and build up muscle and really begin to lose weight in only 15 minutes of weight training per session, and I am using proper form, and doing what my body needs, I may get to a point where I won't need to count the calories anymore. I don't know. I will do as I did with "The 30 Day Diabetes Cure" which is to try it out, blog to keep me motivated and see where I end up.

Looking back at where I ended up with "The 30 Day Diabetes Cure" -- I think I did alright. I am not eating sugar and sweets. I am eating lots more salads and raw veggies, and have now bought 85% organic, too. I am eating cage free eggs (although I was already doing that). I eat cheese and tuna and salmon, and have some organic yogurt which I am trying out as salad dressing. I'll be making some split pea soup if I can find a recipe that does not have ham in it and also tastes good. I'll be eating chicken, too. I'm just eating small portions of meats (animal protein) and had not really even noticed I was doing that.

I am drinking 1.5 to 2 ounces of pomegranate juice daily. I am eating beans for bulk and to fill me up. I am counting calories! My blood pressure is on its way to normal. And my A1C came down from 5.7 to 5.3. I think it will probably be lower than that when I check it the next time, because that was only 15 days after I made the changes. I am not eating the whole grains and fruit, but may incorporate them at the appropriate time. I will also have some from time to time before that, but do not intend to eat them every day -- unless I get feedback from Dr Ripich telling me different and why. I sent him an e-mail letting him know about the blog and asked him for feedback on that problem if he has any. I have not heard from him, yet.

I think my body needs the whole grains and fruit a little, but not every day, not just yet.  I am not sure I stabilized my blood sugars, but did have a reading or two that was lower than I had ever had before.  So that was something. All in all. I think I am headed in the right direction. Can't wait to see what happens with the weight training.

God bless!! Grateful to be in Christ! Thank you, Jesus, for all that You have done for me!!

Leave a note in the comment box if you need encouragement -- or have some to give. Doing this with a friend is always a bit easier. (Thanks AR!)

--Marcia